TGIF Bitches!

Have you ever been too drunk to get your Spanx back up in the bathroom stall of a public establishment? This may – or may not – have happened to me recently. Said Spanx may – or may not – have been crumpled up into my purse and they may – or may not – still be in there.

Hi everyone! I'm Paige, your Petunia Face cruise director for the day. Please allow me to introduce myself. I blog over at I *Heart* You about random ass shit like the true muse of Katie Holmes' recent hair hatchet job, Project Runway recaps and the general hideousness of one Miss Jessica Simpson.

I am not all snark. I love The Hills, braided hair on cast members of The Hills, John Krasinksi and cool stuff. I explain things with way too many metaphors and start way too many sentences with "That totally is just like that episode of Sex In The City/Friends/The Office/90210." Enough about moi, let's get on with it, The Soup style, and see what this week served up for me to blog about.


First up, how does this dude get that much action? Why are Dems so darn horny? I kind of have this mental picture of The Democratic Convention looking like the last 3 minutes of an episode of The Real World – everyone is drunk, naked in a hot tub and about to fuck one another with the subsequent follow up morning after confession of regretting the entire thing. I mean, the Dems are the donkeys so I guess it means they like 'dat ass, right?


Next, Katie Holmes is being feted for designing a not-so-flattering dress that even she can't feign excitement over. I mean, look at her. Reeeaaaallllyyyy look at her – in the eyes. She looks miserable. She needs some vitamins and a trip on the treadmill, right, Tom?


Someone photo shopped the truth into Britney's family picnic. Just like a Napa Valley Merlot compliments a nice steak, everyone knows that nothing brings out the cheesy delectibleness of a Cheeto like a can of Sunkist.


Clay Aiken became a dad and the world did not implode. So we got that going for us...which is nice.


And since I cannot leave you with that fugly image of Clay Aiken, here. Me and my two year old niece, Chloe. Susannah blogs day in and day out about the joys and hidden surprises that she has found in motherhood. I emailed her one time and told her that her stories make me want to become a mom...like yesterday. Chloe also makes me want to become a mom because I have so much fun with her. She is my little buddy. I teach her all kinds of inappropriate things like saying "Peace out, homie" when she leaves the room and how to do The Snake which she calls The Snail. She is obsessed with "cherry lippy" which is really my Dr. Pepper flavored Lip Smacker and loves to dance to our song, which just so happens to be Bad Girls by Donna Summer. And while she isn't giving political endorsements yet like the The Wonder Zo, she and Susannah and her Mini Me make me so excited for what awaits me one day when I become a mom – dirty diapers, sleepless nights, rogue Cheerios stashed all over and all.

So everyone, thanks for stopping by and Happy TGIFF (Thank God It's Fucking Friday). I hope you enjoyed yourself this week with all the fabulous guest bloggers. I have a feeling you all know who is up to bat tomorrow so come back to confirm your suspicions. Enjoy your weekend and remember, friends don't let friends drink and wear Spanx. Seriously, I think I pulled something.