Monday, July 28, 2008

Operation Big Girl Panties

In hindsight perhaps I was a wee bit optimistic, buying Zoey her Dora the Explorer potty way on or around her first birthday. Because here we are closing in on two years and four months and still Dora has not seen any real action. Just a few poots and that one time some pee miraculously appeared in the bowl when we had it sitting outside on the deck although I'm still not completely sure Nacho wasn't responsible for that.

So this weekend with nothing to do but shop Zoey and I hit the mall on Operation Big Girl Panties in the hope that a pair of pretty patterned underwear would be incentive to potty train. And this is what we found, the only pair that did not feature some sort of Back-to-School motif with dancing apples or autumn leaves:

To say that Zoey was overcome with Operation Big Girl Panties would be an understatement. Here she is admiring them (and herself) in the mirror. And yes, I DO clean my mirror on occasion, but the smudge marks and smears are because she had just finished making out with her own reflection, so taken was she with the image of herself in Big Girl Panties.

Sadly, as it too often does, the ecstasy of victory soon gave way to the agony of defeat. Here she is looking into that self-same mirror moments after peeing in her new Big Girl Panties and all over the floor.

UPDATE: I DELETED THESE PHOTOS AFTER I FOUND SOMEONE ACCESS MY BLOG BY SEARCHING FOR IMAGES OF CHILDREN'S PANTIES. YOU SICK FUCKS.

Dude! she seems to be saying. You almost had it! And then you go and piss it all away!

Later, as I was tucking her into bed after reading her close to two dozen books, she pulled my head down next to hers and said to me in earnest, oh Mama, I'm so proud of you. Why? I asked, my heart expanding with her tiny voice and breath sweet with milk. You wear big girl panties, she said, and then turned over, pulling Elmo into the crook of her neck.
And what I did not tell her in that moment but wish I had is that I am proud of her, as well, big girl panties or none at all. She is everything I ever wanted in a daughter and more, diaper heavy with pee and sagging with poop, booger nose, dried yogurt streaked through her hair, a smudge of banana in one ear. She is my inspiration, a puddle at her feet and a life so Big before her.

17 comments:

jozette said...

Those pictures are priceless. You just put a huge smile on my face. And I'm at work, so that's hard to do. And not only am I at work, I'm back at work after having a week off from work, so my mood is particularly foul. Thanks for lightening my morning.

Thaozle said...

Your daughter is amazing! I love that she tells you how proud she is of you. I know a little boy who likes to clap enthusiastically for everyone, even after they accomplish the smallest feats, always yelling, "Good job! You're great!" I'd love for everyone to be able to give approval with such heartfelt sweetness.

benson said...

I think if Zoey is telling you how proud she is of you--she's learned that phrase from hearing it many times from mom and dad--good job, mommy!

Leslie/Miss Havisham said...

I, too, am proud of you for wearing big girl panties. It's not always easy.

I wish I were a ballerina... said...

Oh that is probably one of the cutest things I've ever heard and seen! You are obviously a wonderful mother. I honestly laughed out loud while reading your post. Keep it up :)

Dianne said...

Most wonderful post yet!!!!!!!!!!

~M said...

Love this post. Brought a tear to my eye and a smile to my face. What a gem that girl is. We recently had the very same experience of trying on the big boy underwear (Thomas, no less, but what's with the little willy-window? Do toddlers even use that?) Seriously, they were on him for two minutes, then the puddle o' pee. Aw! Xander also has the Dora potty (for downstairs, with Elmo for upstairs). He picked them, but has yet to really use them. Good luck to us, eh?

Claire said...

Absolute brilliance (both your daughter and the story). I have to say that I will not be sad to wave good-bye to the diapers, but I'm not really in a hurry to start the potty-training journey. I'll be anxiously following your saga for pointers and disaster stories!

Visual Vamp said...

Ah, I wish I could remember my first pair of big girl panties, or had a mom like you to write it all for me to read later on. Zoey's panties are so cute - you got the best pair!

Jen said...

oh sister I can relate. My 4/24/06 baby pees in her big girl Dora panties, and that's about it.

I *Heart* You said...

god she is a button.

That Girl Designs said...

Gosh, what a sweet, sweet story. Loved those moments with my son as well. One day, the whole big girl panty thing will just click.

Sally Tinch said...

Tell Zoey to hang in there! Panties (and bras too..but that is for much later) are some of the best parts of being a girl.

L said...

Aw, dammit. You're going to make me want kids. I've never wanted kids. Puppies? Yes. More shoes? Of course. Children? Ummmmmmm, no.

But ZOEY! Good HEAVENS!

And, yes: I think we should all be proud of ourselves for the days we step into our Big Girl Panties. Because some days it's Just Not Easy.

with love from Pittsburgh...

Chaotic Joy said...

This post was great! I came over from Sarah's place. I am not sure how I didn't stumble on you before, but I'm hooked.

JackeeG4glamorous said...

I love this post.
*
*
So sweet-the poetic words just flow-even piss,poop and poots!

darlabug said...

ahh, you got me all choked up. I have a daughter too a little bit younger than yours (19 months). I haven't dared started to attempt potty training yet.