Tuesday, September 15, 2015


If you know me in real life then you know I've been trying to make overalls happen for the last year or so. Not like I'm a trendsetter-- No, more that I had such a good time in overalls circa 1993 that I really want them to work on me again. Screw the fact that I was 21 in 1993 and not 21 now (you do the math). I think I should look like I did then, or at the very least like an overalled Winona Ryder back in the day. You know, because I have short hair now and all. Twinsies!
I mean, right? Totally could be me.

Except it's not. Couldn't. Isn't and never was. It wasn't in the first pair I bought from Madewell that were supposed to look good on everyone. (Lie.) And it wasn't in the 3 vintage pairs I bought from Urban Outfitters. It wasn't in the stupid expensive ones I bought from Anthro either. (I can't even link to those, I am so ashamed of how much I was willing to pay, i.e. how much I wanted 1993 back.)

Every time I ordered, tried on, and sent back overalls I told myself that was it. It just isn't meant to be. 1993 is gone. I have a muffin top and naso-labial folds now. Naso-labial folds and overalls are simply not meant to go together outside of a pottery studio. But then I would see another pair on a blog and feel like maybe I just hadn't found the right pair. And I would order them again.

And again. Today I got the latest maybes, another Madewell find--the Flea Market Flare. I mean, you guys, I love flea markets! Surely these would work. I had ordered two sizes and went about pulling the smaller pair on. They were...stiff. Snug. Not like 1993 overalls which had been faded and soft, floppy. These were fitted. Sharp. Intentional overalls. I'm not sure overalls are meant to be intentional? But I also know that all things get updated. So I sucked in my gut. Thought perhaps a different shirt underneath? With heeled boots? Maybe...?

That's when Bryan found the larger size and tried them on to show me how ridiculous I looked. How ridiculous 2015 overalls are, how I am not a 21 year old Winona or even a 40-something Gwen Stefani rocking a pair with a crop top beneath. No, I am more like an SNL Pat.
(I admit--at this point I thought still, maybe they could work. Until Zoey took our picture and showed me just how dowdy they looked.)
To some degree, Bryan actually looks better in the Flea Market Flare than I, something about his slim hips, perhaps. Or maybe it's the camel toe.
After I saw the pictures, I knew. I'm definitely returning these. Which is nice in that I am saving $$$, but also nice in that I can stop stalking 1993 now. You know, don't go chasing waterfalls, and all that.
(Although maybe? If I find a super soft vintage pair? Shut up. Why can't I stop?)
Stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to...


Anonymous said...

Oh Gawd...I totally feel you! I just went through this earlier this summer with linen overalls because I saw an old pic of a very pregnant Scarlett Johannson looking super fly in some. And, I can officially say, I feel your pain. I pulled those bad boys up and realized that my gut stuck out, my ass looked wide and flat...and I looked just as preggo as ScarJo. So returned they were, and I've given up on overalls. (For now...)

kerwin said...

Ugh. I looked like Uncle Jesse from Dukes of Hazzard when I tried them on. I am mentally scarred. Scared off overalls forevah!

Mr. X said...

Guess what? I got a fever, and the only prescription is more Bryan!

Nice bum, Mr. Petunia!


Mr. X

Molly said...

Can I be the first to say: another bummer!
Also, that camel toe - I nearly blushed.

Elise said...

You DO just need a super-soft pair. Wash those puppies like 20 times (don't have to wear them, just throw 'em in every time you're doing wash). I will NEVER give up on overalls! Also, men do not look better, ever. They can ONLY ever look like farmers.

The only reason you didn't look exactly like Winona is that she wasn't wearing a shirt and you were. Did you try it without? Even if you can't rock that look in public I bet your husband will like it.

eRin said...

This is hysterical to me. Just, all of it. Please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to...