The weather has been unbelievable lately, bathtub warm, still, the air smelling of leaves and salt air. Beautiful out, isn't it? the guy at Walgreens might say to you at checkout. Mm, gorgeous, and then one of you mumbles something about it being earthquake weather and the other nods and you leave the store out to the freakishly perfect afternoon.
Of course there is no truth to that. Earthquakes occur miles below weather, caused by tectonic plates shifting, something that has been happening for as long as there has been an ever, during ice ages, when the earth was a hot bubbling swamp and everything in between. Nor do they happen more in the morning; your pet probably doesn't sense them, and small earthquakes do not prevent larger ones from happening. These are all just myths created to explain things we cannot possibly understand.
All this to say that if we talk about the weather I will probably say something about it being earthquake weather. That if you casually ask me how my day is I might think for a second that the earth will open and swallow me whole, I am that close to cracking. This business of understanding that my mom is gone--it has been happening for as long as there has been an ever, and yet. That's not how it works. I cannot wrap my head around it but for a few flash seconds at a time. How is my day? If a fault could open up there would be no friction. Without friction, there is no earthquake. And yet the weather is so stunningly still and happy, as if we are all just waiting for something to happen.