Thursday, June 9, 2011

But How Do You Really Feel?

I have to warn you guys: my skin is like vellum right now, tissue thin and see-through. I cry at Dr. Phil which means of course that I watch Dr. Phil, an event that in and of itself signifies that something is not quite right. Of course nothing is quite wrong, either. Simply hormones stabilizing, so I stand at least once a day buck naked in front of the mirror to see if my uterus has shrunk down any farther because that is something that I can actually see, measure, wait for. (Oh, how you would have loved me as a teenager, all sighs and sads and nobody understands. I am just thankful there were no blogs back then.)

So you can imagine what the discovery of this website did to me, written by a woman who spent years taking care of patients who had gone home to die. When she talked to these people about any regrets they had, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the top 5:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

Now that's something to cry about, n'est ce pas? And a reminder for those of us that have some time. So here's what's on my To Do list today: wash the dishes, take a shower, express my breast milk along with some feelings, let myself be happy.

What's on yours?

xo,
S

12 comments:

Alexandria said...

I am in full agreement with #2. (Out of context, this sounds great.)
Miss you!

Alexandria said...

I agree wholeheartedly with #2. (Out of context, this sounds fabulous.)
When Tim and I first moved in together we didn't have cable so all we watched was Dr. Phil and Seinfeld. I learned a lot of things I didn't want to know.
So happy you and Ozzy are doing well.
Miss you!

sunshine said...

Yes, I am full on "be happy" no matter what you do or where you are.

Is that Nacho tucked in your sheets? Mhhh, maybe not, looks too little.

One thing that does make me happy is that your back on blogger world, missed you as well!

thevioletpear said...

oh yes, i remember thinking it's a good day if i only cry once! and my favorite quote in college was "life is brief and very fragile do that which makes you happy" - still holds true i think even after getting married and having a kid...

Still Life With Coffee said...

Thank you! Great post. Congratulations on your sweet little bundle.

beachbungalow8 said...

Just peeking in on you. I like to watch " a baby story" ( is that still on?) during my post partum. Gives a great cry.
He's so sweet and perfect, and that name! You knocked it out of the ball park again.

xoxo

Michelle M in KY said...

OH SUSANNAH...
I sympathize with you deeply. And, right now I am crying! Thinking back to the hormone roller coaster of 4 years ago is overwhelming. I can remember sitting with a baby in each arm, feeding them and tears running down onto their little foreheads. It was a strange time, full of such overwhelming happiness and absolute fear. Fast forward to today and I can say it was HAPPY (it was then too, I just didn't always acknowledge it). The entire day spent with my three babies just doing things that make them happy...swimming, baby bottle suckers, and 2 hours at McDonalds indoor playplace. I mean to tell you a HAPPY day was had by all! Things will level out and all that you are feeling is normal...I'm sure you already know that, but sometimes it's nice for someone to remind you! Sending you a "proverbial kleenex."

Jules said...

One of my best friends suffered the loss of her mother this week. Her father has aggressive, stage 4 pancreatic cancer and has, at most, 3 months to live. It's odd that you would post this today, as watching my friend's parents leave this world too fast and too young has given me much to think about.

Haute Mama said...

I'm definitely not working hard, just not-working-hard too much, if that makes sense... I go and I sit and put minimal effort in for the required 8 hours. I wish I could not work hard somewhere other than my hideous cubicle. or get paid more for my not working hard.

Kind of wrote about that same topic today.

Glad that you're back!

JackeeG4glamorous said...

Agreed with all of em!

Not to be too cliche....Live today folks as though it were your last!

MISS you! Sending good thoughts your way, thankful you are Watching Dr. Phil and are not ON the show as a guest.

Dawn said...

I cried in the shower everyday after my c-section. My daughter is 6, and an only child. Seeing your precious girl smile at that baby made me think how much she would love to help take care of a baby sibling. Hang it there, I know it's rough. But it's better this time, right? You know how to take care of a baby now, no more first-time parenting fear. You can do this, and you can enjoy it. Congratulations. Moving in three weeks? At least you've got a great excuse not to lift any boxes.

Appletree said...

when I was post-partem I watched 2 episodes of Dawson's Creek every day. 2 hours straight. I get it.