Friday, April 8, 2011

Light the Corners of My Mind

Remember when I used to blog? Like everyday, and I had something to say? And even when I didn't I pretended and you believed and read, commented, my inbox full of emails that weren't about sales and deals, viagra, Nigerian money scams or free sandwiches?

Me, too. I miss those days, you. Us.

Somebody once said that the way to become somebody's god is to disappear. And while that notion has stuck with me for its sheer dude that's so poetically beautiful it has to be true-ness, I'm afraid it's not. Because I am a master disappear-er, never saying goodbye at parties but choosing instead to slip out the door, driving away. And here, these last few weeks or months, I have slipped away and into dimensional life wearing 2-D glasses. Quietly, no kiss-kiss. Just this. Not that I want to be anybody’s god anyway, somebody somewhere always calling your name in vain and otherwise, like in bed, in the moment--how uncomfortable would that be? I just want to be me again.

Remember when I used to think thoughts other than I can’t breathe, my nose is so stuffed up, 31 weeks and ohmygodmyvaginabonehurts?

I don’t know what this photo has to do with anything here but it reminds me of something, you know?

Me, too.

16 comments:

SGM said...

Uh, excuse me, but I believe the term is "bagina bone," which really shows how long I've been reading this blog. Devoted fan 4FR.

Dabay said...

Dude, you crack me up! That Flight of the Conchords picture had me rolling. I understand the feeling; but you're pregnant for Christ's sake! Totally excusable, and we still love you. :)

Nancy Fastenau, Fastenau and Associates said...

You can take as much time as you need to "birth" this baby. Then, when you are ready, come back to us. We will miss you and you will be "full" of new stories and insights!

sherri said...

I feel very similar, minus bagina bone part. About blogging and not feeling like blogging lately, I mean. FYI though, when I had stuffy preggo lady nose I found the breathe right strips to be quite helpful! If I can't help your bagina, maybe I can at least help your schnozola.

Anonymous said...

Darlin,
You are pregnant..it does stuff to you...your body, your head, your "bagina bone"...but, you get a swell kid out of the deal (yes, I said "swell", not a good term to use to a pregnant lady, is it)..
I have a blog...I hate my blog..I used to love my blog..I am an interior designer (who isn't), but have been relegated to the netherworld of old, so, I don't count so much anymore.
My point is the other night, after our 28th anniversary, I posted the yellow roses my husband gave me...I titled it "Rose from My Hunny"...then, I was horrified by the use of the word "Hunny". As Dorothy Parker once said after reviewing AA Milne's Book, (her column was called "Constant Reader", she said, "and then, "Tonstant Weader Frowed Up"..that's where I am in blogland.."Frowing Up"...Gotta get my shit together and move on...
I love your blog..
XOXOX

Michelle M in KY said...

OH SUSANNAH...
As Sheri already mentioned the Breathe Right nasal strips work wonders especially @ night...so does a cool mist humidifier in the bedroom. When pregnant w/the twins I literally felt like I was going to stop breathing all together.
We understand that you're feeling all protective & nest like...not wanting to do much of anything but work and take care of yur family. That's fine...and once the baby comes you're gonna be sleep deprived & post partumy, but with that will come lots of good stories about green poop and upchuck...things that u have forgotten all about. This is your time to percolate. So, go to the drugstore and get some strips and pick up a body pillow if you don't have one. Lay on your side @ night and tuck it between your knees. It helped me w/the bone issue and w/myback hurting. Maybe it will work for you too. Hoping your feeling better and that the rest of the time goes smoothly for you. We'll be right here waiting :)

anita said...

Just so you know -- you haven't disappeared .....because I cannot get that pee-pee song out of my head.
I think of you constantly. Thanks.

:)

Weitzell4 said...

I wish blogs just had a "Like" button. I really have nothing clever to say, just that, whether you're here every day or not, I still "like" checking and reading whatever little morsel you may have.

Sarahviz said...

Still here! Always.

jennifer said...

the guy with the bearclaw on his dong is my old boyfriend. i miss those days.

Kwana said...

I do remember and feel the same way about my blogging life. Thanks so much for that pic of my two crushes. Love it!

Patti-atti said...

Still here, lady - wishing you were having more fun - and hoping that you're actually just having too much fun to get around to blogging!

marlale said...

Susannah, I'm pregnant too -- 26 weeks or is it 25? All i know is I also can't breathe, can't bring myself to go anywhere or talk to anyone except my husband, and my vagina bone also hurts.

--marla lehner

sweetbittertart said...

<< hug >>

Cathi said...

You are definitely missed! :) xxoo

Ruby Wildflower said...

Thought I'd interuppt here - I believe the official term for sneaking out of a party is a "ghostie".
I am a huge advocate for the ghostie... so much so that I've started to do ghosties during family dinners, sex and work... awkward.