Thursday, December 2, 2010

Down the Rabbit Hole

There is a very real chance I am in jail right now. Actually no, that’s not true because our plane doesn’t leave until tonight. But there is a very real chance I will be in jail tonight because I am traveling with my mother who does not believe rules apply to her. No, she carries 4 oz. of liquid in her carry-on because, well, why not? It’s not like her carry-on would ever fit in the overhead bin anyway. Her purse overflows with tweezers, lighters, prescription pills rattling loose in unmarked containers—so help me god, if she makes one joke about the explosive properties of a crushed Xanax mixed with two parts mouthwash I am going to pretend I am not with her and stand next to the nearest 65 year old woman who looks like she makes a mean casserole. (The TSA pat down should be interesting, though.)

And if I am not in jail tonight then I will most certainly be in jail tomorrow, because tomorrow we go to Disneyland, and my mother has never been to Disneyland. Which is where that silly rules thing might come up again since she pays no mind to designated smoking areas. (At least it should be the happiest jail on earth.)

So yes, this weekend Zoey, my mom and I are going to visit my brother and his wife where my dad will also meet us, and time will fold over onto itself, a synchronicity of a family in front of the Princess’ Castle where we will have our picture taken as if The Great Divorce of 1992 never happened, a Portrait of a Family as What If. God grant me the serenity…

Back on Monday no doubt with stories.
Xo,
S

11 comments:

Michelle M in KY said...

OH SUSANNAH...
Completely hysterical! "As if the divorce of 1992 never happened". Should make for an interesting trip. Hope that you have lots of fun with your family and make sure to post a msg. if you require bail money b/c you know it's a small world and I'll Western Union it right Westward. Safe travels!

krista said...

so close to me...and yet so far.

Nancy Fastenau, Fastenau and Associates said...

You will be missed here but I can hardly wait to hear all about it. Don't forget the Teacups!

sweetbittertart said...

This is going to be seriously awesome. : )

Anonymous said...

From Jackie Chan look-alike:
I can't believe this has come up three times in the last week (well, twice by me but that's not the point).
I have been to the Disneyland jail - TWICE. They really do have a jail and while it's not the happiest jail on earth it's quite realistic. I think they called it Devil's Islandland.
Have fun.

bronwyn said...

Oooh, if you get arrested you'll get to see the secret underground Disneyland where all the secret cameras are. Be sure to ask them if Walt's head is really cryogenically frozen and kept in Sleeping Beauty's castle.

bronwyn said...

Oooh! If you get arrested, you'll get to see the secret underground Disneyland where all the secret cameras are. Be sure to ask if they really keep Walt Cryogenically frozen in Sleeping Beauty's Castle. :)

Sparkie said...

To ease your mind a tad - you can carry lighters on board now. That's my TSA PSA for the day.

Cathi said...

Can't wait to hear your stories! Have fun! xxoo :)

sherri said...

wow. may the force be with you.

Judy said...

Wow! After that little Bioblog, isn't it amazing that I've managed to function in the world on my own?! Muddling through without one single arrest, traffic ticket, citation, warning or even a near miss in all these addled, sociopathic 66 years? It's hard to believe that I could have raised two incredible children, flown quite a few times with them to visit family, held down a job, lived through the Great Divorce of 1992, taken care of another disabled husband- not to mention myself without doing time or having a Keeper...just blind luck, I guess. I better start obeying all the rules because at my age, I don't think I'm up to serving hard time....oh wait, I AM serving hard time. Maybe I ought to go light up in the office of the Attorney General because I'm suspecting that some white collar jail time with my own love bitch just might be a vast improvement over current reality.Oh, and I'm late responding because I'm always pretty out of it what with all those RX drugs rattling around in my system as well as my purse.
Outlaw Mom