Friday, November 19, 2010

Adventures in Public Restrooms, Part III of an Illustrious Series*

The other day I was in a restroom BECAUSE THAT IS ALL I DO ANYMORE--PEE when the woman in the stall next to me used the last toilet seat cover. Now this was the type of toilet seat cover doohickey that is mounted to the partition between stalls, so as she pulled it out there suddenly appeared an open slot between us perfectly at eye level. So I did what any strange woman named Susannah would do and said, "Forgive me Sister, for I have sinned." I mean--It's not as if I pushed my face into the hole and screeched I see you! But she did not laugh. Or even sigh. I thought maybe she didn't get the joke so then I said, "It's been 2 weeks since my last confession." Still nothing. Which means, I suppose, that she had either never seen The Godfather or was trying to go poo, but either way would not be assigning me any Acts of Contrition. I was so ashamed that I sat in my stall until she flushed, washed, and finally left. Which is why I'm a still a sinner, pregnant, and have to go pee again.**
In other news, I would very much like to live in this house.

*For Parts I and II of Adventures in Public Restrooms, go here and here.

**I realized later that had it been a men's bathroom the open space would have been a glory hole, i.e. even though I am pregnant and constantly burping up the taste of eggs I am happy not to be a boy.

12 comments:

Jules said...

Well, as a Catholic, I can assure you that if you had said that to me I wouldn't have been able to breath from laughing so hard.

Misplaced Country Girl said...

If that had been me on the other side of that partition I would have peed all over myself from laughing so hard. Then I would have waited for you to flush, wash your hands and leave because of my embarassment. Some people just don't get it!

sherri said...

that is hilarious.

Simply Mel said...

thanks to this series ~ we use the term 'crop dusting' on a daily basis.

Still Life With Coffee said...

Since reading your last bathroom post I've(3 times!) had the odd experience of sitting down only to hear a voice in the next stall cheerfully say "hello?". Instinctively, I want to answer back... but then I remember your post and realize the person is on the phone. Now.. I will for sure use the 'forgive me father' and cross myself in the name of Petunia Face.
Patron saint of bathroom wisdom

benson said...

you have the best stories from the place where everyone (yes--I'm talking to you stalker reader) visits. So funny.

shannon said...

Fantastic. I would be far too shy to make a joke of any kind to a stranger in an adjacent stall.

nova said...

I would have laughed.

Well first there would have been a really awkward pause as I tried to figure out what the crazy lady next to me was talking about and can she see my junk? But then, yeah, laughing.

Anonymous said...

It's always so much funnier (later) when someone doesn't 'get it'. Great story. Congrats on being pregnant. :) That is very very cool!

Oh Brother! said...

Americans have lost their fucking sense of humor. The "fuck" was necessary.

Bro

Rolerkite said...

can't.stop.giggiling

bathroom stories are the best.

william2233 said...

Nice site from a children author