Thursday, August 19, 2010

WWFD? (What Would Freud Do?)

Last night I dreamed my breasts were pig snouts. (Now if I were Sharon Olds I would weave this dream into a haunting poem about sexuality, domesticity and the erotic truth of violence. But I am not Sharon Olds, so instead I ducked into a metal bathroom stall a few times at work today to quickly yank my shirt up and pull my bra down to make absolutely certain that I do not have pig nosed nipples.)

In somewhat related news, Zoey has informed me that she is only shy with people who have nipples on their faces. Which I totally get--I would be shy, too, if someone with aureola eyes said hello to me, but I have yet to meet such a person and quite frankly would have no idea where to look. (At their chest?) Anyway, to make a long story short, it turns out Zoey meant to say that she is only shy with people who have pimples on their faces, which sucks for me seeing as how I am broken out. In other words, if a=b and b=c then a=c and I have nipples on my face which totally opens the door to me sporting pig snouts where my breasts should be, no?

Anyway, I have illustrated what this may look like only these are not my boobs. No, mine are far saggier, i.e. my pig noses are busy sniffing out truffles.
Happy Friday (I'll be the one taking Excedrin PM).



Tess said...

You Crack me UP!

PS I'm really glad we don't have nipples on our faces.

anita @ a dreamer's den said...

please don't ever stop writing this blog.

Anonymous said...

haha, sniffing truffles. love it!

Judy said...

I'm fairly certain that in some convoluted way, this is a karmic payback thing going back to your bobbling my sagging, sac-like breasts with your hands while singing in your sweet 4 yo little voice, "Weebles Wobble But They Don't Fall Down!" as I bent over at night to kiss you and tuck you in bed. Or not....And I totally get Zoey's reluctance to shout it out for people with nipples on their faces. I am much the same way.
Love You-Even IF You Develope Pig-Snouted, Truffle-Snuffling Boobs!

sherri said...

that image may haunt me for the rest of my days. i'm gonna start callin peeps who are a-holes "hey aerola face! what's it to ya!?"

shannon said...

Did you really make that image? Bravo!

krista said...

is that what the kids are calling it these days?