Monday, April 26, 2010

Possibly the Reason I Have Never Liked "Phantom of the Opera" Or Any Musical, Really

It suddenly dawned on me last night that this time next year Zoey will be 5 years old which, as we all know, is just a few short milestones away from being able to rent your own car, drive to Vegas and stay up all night high on men and maybe.

When my parents drove me to college in San Diego, my mother rode in my car with me and cried the entire 8 hours down 5, "Phantom of the Opera" blasting on the stereo, singing as if she, too, were a disfigured musical genius. Grasp it! Sense it, tremulous and tender... Every now and then she'd grab my wrist to point out a crop, as if she couldn't possibly let go of me until I knew the difference between an almond and a pistachio tree. I thought she was nuts, but now I get it, I do.

4 years old is a slippery slope to 5, and 5 is a very long highway in the direction of Notme, population: why? Before I get any schmaltzier and start singing Andrew Lloyd Weber tunes, here is a video of another kind of mother's love, another kind of nut, live from the vault of the 1950's to distract us all from the passing of time...

What the Fuck. Happy Monday.
xo,
S

14 comments:

Kwana said...

Holy snap that video just blew my mind but I guess I've thrown a few knives in my day now that my twins are 16 and yes I can and will be your mother in the car very soon. 4 to 5 way to fast. 5 to 18 even faster. Hold on there the world is about to start spinning.

jennifer said...

i had no idea my mom was on youtube!

krista said...

at least she throws them without hitting them. i know plenty of people who have mothers who don't bother to miss.
well, metaphorically speaking, of course.
because i don't know any carnies.

The Lil Bee said...

Nutso video!! But I love this post. My mom was the SAME way (and funny enough, today is her bday). I can't believe Devon is 6 months old. Honestly cannot believe it.

On an unrelated note, your arms are JACKED, mama! I'd scowl at you but I like you too much;)

Petunia Face said...

Lil Bee-I assure you, my arms are not jacked. In fact, my nickname is T-Rex, simply because of my noodle arms :/ But Happy Birthday to Mrs. Lil Bee Mama! :)

my favorite and my best said...

cut to somewhere in 1972..
"WHAT THE FUCK MOTHER??!?!?!?! YOU THREW KNIVES AT MY FACE!!!!"
if she made it to 1972...

Rebecca F. said...

Oh my.

It is even more disturbing to see that the audience is also full of children watching that horror....

Seriously disturbing.

Judy said...

Believe it or not, you got off a Hell of a lot better than your Bro, our firstborn,Andy-Honey-Big-Boy, in the take them and leave them at college for the first time experience. I seriously didn't think I'd be able to do the leaving him at U of O thing. Getting his dorm and room located, being introduced to roommates-and other twitchy-faced, red-rim-eyed Moms and too-hearty acting Dads, lugging all his stuff to a room he was to share that wasn't big enough for a hamster...I maintained-no embarrasung scenes. We had joked a lot about my refraining from grabbing him around the ankles, refusing to let go as he dragged me, his sobbing, pleading Mom around campus. I believe we even have a "joke" photo of me doing just that as we posed on the steps of some official-looking building just prior to our leave-taking. Problem was that when the camera clicked, I didn't. There I was hanging on to his ankles with the maternal-gone-full-on-cuckoos- death-grip and beseaching, oh-so- adoring look on my deranged face realizing that the photo op may have ended but I COULDN'T let go. NOOoooooo, I've changed my mind. I don't want my children to have a higher education. I don't want them to fly and be free....I want them to stay with ME! Your Dad and a very nervous and humiliated college-bound Andy were able to extricate my ten clenched, white fingers from their death grip on his Nikes-just before I finished tying his shoelaces into my hair. Then we pretended it was all a joke and Andy disappeared around a corner faster than even a Mother's reflexes. I'm hazey on the details of the trip home but I'm fairly sure it wasn't a lot of fun. As to our ride down 5 as we caravanned getting you and your possessions to San Diego....it too is a blur but, now that you mention it I DO remember a lot of Phantom of the Opera on the drive down and my feeling some strange yet over-whelming urge to educate you on nut crops of the Central Valley. I also wanted to hold on to you and not let you go but my experience in Eugene some years before proved the futility of that. I don't know what form your "letting go" will take when the time comes-as it does WAY TOO FAST, but I can promise you that it probably won't make any more sense of be one iota prettier than mine with you or Andy. I wait with bated breath to find out!

Love You,
Mom

Robin said...

Mrs. Petunia Face Mom, I love your comment!

Anyone else think that the plethora of school girls + frowning nun = school trip gone awry?

AppleTree said...

My mom never posts on my blog. But I know she stalks me by reading my comments on yours.(hi mom)

My baby is 4 too and it went way too fast.

DREAMER'S DEN said...

holy shit!!
that is the craziest video ever.

Geli said...

I remember my daughter's 4th birthday like it was yesterday - now she's 14 and I am tempted to take out the knifes.... puberty is the revenge of every daughter!

The video is quite horrific, isn't it? I hope the girls make enough money to pay for the years of therapy they obviously need.

Maggie May said...

ack!@!!!

Michelle M in KY said...

OH SUSANNAH...
Thanks for the reminder of the slippery slope of "5". We're approaching that on the 11th and for some reason, I just want to press "pause" right now and freeze her. It's sad, heartbreaking, and wonderful all at the same time. I, too, know that from 5 to 18 will go fast, even though no one ever told me this...I'm just hoping Vegas is a little too far from the Midwest for her to sneak out, steal the car, and run away with some boy. Oh damn...just thinking of it...makes me angry and weepy...all at the same time!
BTW...I LOVE it when your Mama comments on your blog...she's a great writer too. You can just feel the love. Girl, I'm right there with you...trying to soak it all up like a sponge.