Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Sprung

I have been sagging with heaviosity as of late, my words leaden, sentences seriously embedded like a motherfuckin’ splinter in the fleshy pad of my hand. Sorry ‘bout that. Winky emoticon here if it didn’t make me feel like such an a-hole (two swear words in one paragraph is a bit much on a Wednesday, no?).
So guess what? It’s spring! I have never really agreed with Webster, Roget, et al on the lowercase-ness of the seasons. I mean fall maybe—yes, fall does not deserve any capital letters at all. But spring? Spring should be all caps, upper case, outside voice happy. SPRING! So in honor of me lightening my load may I present to you a few images that make me want to swallow buttercups whole:
There I go, starting off with the limbs of small children, but what can I say? You can take the girl out of winter but you can’t take the cold snap out of the girl. I love me some disembodied baby toes and I would rully like this coat rack. Of course Bryan thinks it’s uber-creep, and Zoey would grow up refusing to wear layers, but there’s something about this baby on board that speaks to me (in a menacing, phlegm voice, but still, I hear it. You?).
Speaking of which, I saw this origami maternity dress on A Cup of Jo last week and loved the concept. Not to get all Tim Gunn up in this mo-fo, but I would take the hemline up to just above the knee, shape the skirt a bit and widen the shoulders. Et voila! How friggen’ cute is this peapod bursting?
And then this. I told Bryan last night that if we can ever afford to build our own house I want him to design me some built-in bookcases, a steam shower and a heart-shaped fireplace. So far he has only agreed to the bookcases, but I am saving up my moolah along with high hopes.
And to butter him up I found this image featuring all of Bryan’s very favorite things: surfing, boobs, motorcycles and good waves. Should I ever be able to actually recreate this image I am fairly certain I could ask for a heart-shaped house and he would build it for me using wooden pegs he handcarved himself instead of nails.

But the thing that is making me happiest of all on this, the fourth day of SPRING? The fact that people all over the world are still pooping in their pants and while the day is young and I am knocking on wood, so far this has not happened to me today. But really, who wears white pants anymore anyway?

TGISPRING, my friends.

Xo,
S

19 comments:

Richie Designs said...

You kill me. where do you find this stuff?

jennifer said...

dare I say, holy shit?!

Cindy said...

WHAT?!?! I'm dyin' here! LMAO!!! (It's really not funny, but it is.) Were they speaking French? Could you understand it? (Low volume here at work.)

I'm with Bryan. Creepy limb coat rack.

I don't really know you, but I love you. And a TGISpring to you as well, M'Lady.

xo

Erin said...

Oh, poor white-pants lady. I am totally going to pronounce f*ck the way she does from now on. Fook.

Anonymous said...

I nearly soiled my undies just watching this!

Oops, I Crapped My Pants!
http://tinyurl.com/yja42rs

Happy Spring!

Simply Mel said...

Heart-shaped fireplaces and shit-filled white pants ~ only you can come up with this fabulous stuff, only you.

Scribe said...

TGISPRING Susannah! The season does deserve a capital.

Love the maternity dress and your suggested alterations. Not too sure about the heart-shaped fireplace, but if it makes you happy, then Bryan should definitely build it, with wooden pegs he carves himself.

Rosalie said...

Jesus. what language is that and can we get it translated. That would have been super funny, and not just funny, if I wasn't feeling exactly like her last night. So sick. Thought I was going to die.

sophie said...

dare i say that because this was in german it makes it that tiny pinch more hilarious?
poor white pants girl. "fook."
i wish this had subtitles. i want to know what the fellas said when she trotted away...

oh and the coat rack is creepy.

but i enjoy it none the less. :)

Shannon said...

Thanks for this post...I have come back twice for the laugh!!!

Rolerkite said...

I call that a warning to not wear white before labor day... or any day with fiber cakes involved.

Weitzell4 said...

Oh shart.

Brooke said...

Oh my gosh, I needed that. I didn't even know I did, but I did.

Thank you.

Patty said...

Aw I love that heart shaped fireplace! All your pictures are great, thanks for posting!

Appletree said...

fook is right!

oh Brother! said...

Das Butt.

-bro

Mountain Momma said...

OMG, I am so tired and don't speak Norwegian but that was fucking funny! Of all the days to be wearing white pants.....

ticklishfromadistance said...

Not to get all Tim Gunn on you. I am hooked. What a great blog.

Up Mama's Wall said...

Why does a German chick shitting herself on TV make me laugh so hard? Oh my God, sometimes I am so thankful for you and your magical powers of internet searching. Damn!