Thursday, December 3, 2009

Ridiculous (I Mean Really)

I am a fairly agreeable Miss of the masses. That is, I don't really question when the reality show cameras just so happen to be lurking around PCH to catch Justin Bobby ride by low on his hog, the sunset behind him like the ending of a particularly-climactic porn. No, I smile gamely through Tyra, currently disparage Tiger and don't think much of it when my local news station resets their station id with the tagline news you can trust. After all, why shouldn't I? Their hair doesn't move, they look me in the eye and sometimes they even pronounce names as they should be said somewhere. Las Ahnheeleeees. I sit on my couch plucking my eyebrows and think totally.

But there is one thing that has been irking me for quite some time now, me who buys Us Weekly and People magazine every Friday, my own little happy hour complete with (no) think specials. It's this: Sexy Face. The increasingly popular deadened eyes at half-mast, mouth agape, body twisted torqued to thrust out boobs and butt and-- well, that's it really. Variations of Sexy Face include one finger precariously close to mouth, pursed lips and possibly sneezing, or being caught in mid-sneeze. It would seem. I don't know. Here is the latest offender, this pic of J Lo in the back of Us Weekly under the title Unshorn Celebrities! Because god forbid her bangs are too fringe-y but no problem if she is looking at the camera as if caught in mid-shart.
When Zoey saw it (one night after reading Goodnight Moon) she giggled and I asked her why and this is what she did:
Which I loved, of course, even though she needed to open her mouth a bit more but you know, she's young, there's time, lipgloss. Anyhow, it got me thinking: what if we all just start rocking the Sexy Face? At bars, at home, over dinner, standing by the copier at work, all the world experiencing the same hemorrhagic stroke of sexy?
Mid-blink, mid-sneeze, somebody cut the cheese. Imagine the possibilities...
I dare you.
Please report back your findings.

26 comments:

JackeeG4glamorous said...

Yeah, um, J-Lo, cut your bangs.

Misplaced Country Girl said...

I'm on board! I'll give it a try this week during various activities and let you know what happens. Sounds like fun!

Kwana said...

It would put a quick end to the smecky face. I like the idea.

Geli said...

What's worse: a look at my teenager's facebook tells me that all 14 year olds emulate this "sexy look" - no no they shouldn't be a coquette at this age - sigh.

Anyone with a short fore head shouldn't wear bangs -
you hear me, JLo?

amy b.s. said...

love it. something tells me people would just think i was drunk. or just really confused.

krista said...

i just tried it on finn but she ignored me. and pointed at the tv.
hmph.

The Lil Bee said...

I saw this image just this morning in the back page of US Weekly, making fun of her fringe. And my thought was, forget the bangs, how about that staged sultry stare! (I do love her, btw, but still... you are so right.)

Duel Living said...

As I type, I am standing backwards, feet crossed, breasteses pushed high and mighty, and I'm throwing you a sexy look over my shoulder...I've added a little twist...wink and air kisses.
Love your photos...Zoey will have great momentos for when she grows up!

Cathi said...

Love this post...!! My daughter and alot of the teenage girls take pictures with their lips pursed together...i just don't get it...i guess they think it looks sexy...haha

mosey along said...

I'm totally going to practice this look but not until I've had my brows done. I can't do pouty with mangy brows.

Richie Designs said...

that's funny! hadn't thought about sexy face but you're right.

I think angelina is stuck in sexy face. the only time it's not happening is when she's smiling and that doesn't happen much when cameras are shoved into one's face.

Judy said...

Despite the total lack of bangs (I just cut a strip of fringe out of a sheet of copy paper and taped it across my forehead)...Results of one full-on "Sexy Look" while posing with one arm draped over the water cooler: One 911 call and three co-workers who ran screaming from the office. Maybe I didn't do it right?
Mom

ZDub said...

BWAHAHAHAHA!

And how many times did you take your picture until you got a sexy face you liked? TRUTH.

Because I am on 12.

Chantal said...

Don't care about J Lo but would you do my brows same as yours? Please?

Michelle Antognoli said...

I think it's totally working for all three of you!

Petunia Face said...

Zdub--you totally busted me. I think this is maybe the 15th shot. Apparently one of my eyes closes before the other making me look like i'm having a seizure.

And I don't know what is up with you all lo
loving my brows but thank you kindly. Now can anyone teach me to raise one brow in the perfect frisky arch?

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Petunia Face said...

Just so's ya know--that comment I deleted was spam from a porn website which is what I get for writing about sexy face.

boops said...

yeah if i tried the sexy face people would think i'd had a stroke :\

Cindy said...

"caught in mid-shart" LMAO!! Why do I always laugh at bodily functions related to Number Two?

And S, it's no wonder you are so damn funny -- get a load of your mom's post! I wish she worked at my office.

xo

Anita Davis said...

you're way prettier than j lo.
keep rockin' it! :)

ZDub said...

Mine were all just terrible.

I'm practicing on my trout pout though.

I think that's the key. If you can nail that, the rest just falls into place.

Simply Mel said...

I'm going to work on my profile picture - it needs an upgrade to a tramp look!

my favorite and my best said...

i would eat zoeys sexy face.

Up Mama's Wall said...

I can't even LOOK at Keira Knightley because of her horrible sexy face. It's like a tick with her.
Your eyebrows are perfection, BTW.

*~(boom)~* said...

This made my day...seriously... :)

Thanks!