First there was this. I mean after Barbie and Bratz dolls, Calvin Klein, Guess and every other dollar and cents-less marketed toward women and girls. And I kept quiet because the jeans are cute and I was busy watching The Hills, wishing Kristin would at least try to stop smirking when saying a line so that I could go about my life pretending everything was real. But then came this and I felt stupid. I mean, really? How can they make it so painfully obvious and expect me to believe that Audrina still cares who Justin-Bobby fucks and that the diameter of this girl's head is larger than that of her pelvis? Who do they think we are when Stephanie Pratt's nose job reverts itself back and forth within the span of one drunken early-20's night and good god this pic makes me only crave more nutella on toast with butter--
We live in a time without true meaning. Homemade pie! boasts the menu at the chain restaurant, and when somebody says that they could care less it means that they actually DO care. It's confusing, like the other night on The Rachel Zoe Project when Rachel said she literally died, she literally vomited, she literally felt like a cow about to moo, and yet--there she was, at the end of the show, alive. Seemingly not a cow that had either vomited or mooed and I was more than a little disappointed. Who knew? Back when I was having terrible panic attacks my dad told me not to believe everything I thought and he was right. Still, the airbrushing can fuck a girl up, this knowing that nothing is really real and then some. Arbitrary objectivism, noses that shrink to a cute button over cocktails. Can't a girl just buy a pair of jeans without her head falling off?
Apparently not, which is why I am going to show this video to Zoey every morning after she watches The Backyardigans. (She must know that in reality Uniqua is a drab shade of puce.)