Friday, July 3, 2009

Random(ish) Thoughts on This Friday, the 3rd of July

You know what really pisses me off? My wisdom teeth. Okay, yes, fine, this was years ago, but I still find myself thinking about them. When I had my wisdom teeth removed I asked the surgeon dentist guy if I could have them afterward. He said yes. I counted backwards from ten, vaguely remember leaning out my car window to wave to people on the Golden Gate Bridge and the next thing I knew I was on my couch. Delicious drugs and done. At the follow-up appointment I asked the surgeon for my teeth and he said he forgot and threw them away. WTF Mr. Surgeon Guy??? Those were MY TEETH. I had big plans for those things. Spotlights on my mantel, a gold chain around my neck. Depending on how big they were I was going to make one into the gear shift knob on my car or maybe fashion one into the doorbell button at my house. Now they exist in some medical waste facility, no spotlights at all, and I still think about them sometimes. Okay, often. I think about my wisdom teeth often.
You know what else I think about more often than I should? Lady Gaga.
And String Theory. Surely they are somehow related because I don't get either one and here's the other coincidence: I DON'T CARE. There. I said it. Put on some pants and wash your face. You look stupid. You, too, String Theory.
Also? The lady at the party I went to a few weekends ago. It was nightfall and there was a fire pit outside. Someone brought out a bag of marshmallows and we pulled twigs off a tree to make s'mores. I ate one. Then another. Do you have any idea how good roasted marshmallows are? Why don't I make those every freaking night, I ask you. On the third one this pinched woman I did not know said, "you know the limit is two. Two marshmallows per person." The fire lit up her face from beneath, not a good angle on the prettiest among us, and I swear to fucking god I wanted to poke my twig through her head, stick it in the fire and shake it a little until her head fell off into the orange burning coals with the rest of the gloppy burnt hot dog butts and bottle caps.
But then there's this. These. This guy. A graphic designer artist funny guy who I like a lot even though I do not know him.
He makes me happy the way a man with a pen only can, and sometimes that's all it takes is a Dot with the word Bitch inside.
And this. This makes me happiest of all.
Watching 4th of July fireworks with my Petunia Faced Girl. She lets me have all the marshmallows I want and maybe one day, if I'm a really good mommy, she'll give me her wisdom teeth. Or she'll want to keep them for herself which will make me oh-so-proud.
Happy 4th, my friends. Be safe!
xoxo,
S

16 comments:

Vanessa said...

I was starting to get worried that I was the only person who doesn't think Gaga is a musical genius. Her music is ok for dance music, but I don't see what the big effing deal is. Ok, fine, she doesn't wear pants. Whoopie. I know, I posted a picture of her this week, but that was only cause I liked the image. Now I feel lame...
Rambling over. Happy 4th, you crazy broad, you.

tiffany said...

wow, he threw away your teeth? wtf? i caught a glance at my wisdom teeth after they were removed and was HORRIFIED at how long those roots systems were. *shudder*

I don't get Lady Gaga either. I think it's the gay-dance-club scene that's made her big, but her music kinda sucks. No, really sucks. And this is coming from a girl who openly admits to enjoying Britney Spears!

Zakary said...

I had a wisdom tooth removed 11 years ago and I asked to keep it. I was going to put it in my miniature cabinet. When I got home and unwrapped it, the muthascratcher surgeon had cut it in half and it was all crumbly because my roots were so long and that's the only way they could get it out. Crushing blow. I wanted the whole tooth.

Good news: I have to have another one removed in a week. Fingers crossed.

That artwork is the bomb. And Lady Gaga sucks my crumbly wisdom tooth.

Happy 4th!

Zakary said...

I had a wisdom tooth removed 11 years ago and I asked to keep it. I was going to put it in my miniature cabinet. When I got home and unwrapped it, the muthascratcher surgeon had cut it in half and it was all crumbly because my roots were so long and that's the only way they could get it out. Crushing blow. I wanted the whole tooth.

Good news: I have to have another one removed in a week. Fingers crossed.

That artwork is the bomb. And Lady Gaga sucks my crumbly wisdom tooth.

Happy 4th!

kris in odessa! said...

happy fourth!
i miss my wisdom teeth too..
although i didn't get the good drugs...:(
eat all the marshies to your hearts content...!

krista said...

um. i'm going to admit two things. you may decide to no longer be my friend. you may even delete me off facebook.
(1) "saved" teeth freak me out. i found my baby teeth that my mom saved and was scarred permanently.
(2) i don't like marshmallows.

i will, however, admit a strong ambivalence toward lady gaga. did that make up for it?

Petunia Face said...

Dear Krista,

Hm. I must admit this takes me by surprise. You don't like marshmallows? Even toasted marshmallows?

Okay, I've thought about it and yes, I think we can still be friends. Please just tell me you like Nutella?

xo,
S

benson said...

"the limit is two" WTF? who says that?
And also--why do they call them wisdom teeth if you always have to have them removed? Not very smart of them, I'd say.
ps. not very fond of the Gaga--but I do enjoy Poker Face when I'm trying to make it up the steepest hill in town..mamamamamamama.

Your Ill-fitting Overcoat said...

She did NOT tell you your limit was two!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel like that enrages me on a scale not proportionate to the situation. What a weirdo! I bet she wasn't even really invited.

Your Ill-fitting Overcoat said...

p.s. It isn't possible she was... kidding... is it? Because I have a really dry sense of sarcasm sometimes, especially by firelight where you can't see the teensiest smile at the corner of my mouth, and I sometimes worry that strangers thing I'm being a bitch, when in fact I'm actually being hilarious. The two are more closely related than one would think.

Melissa said...

I kept my dog's bladder stone after her surgery in 1983. If I can find it, it's yours. Consolation prize.

Cindy said...

@ Melissa, I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Anonymous said...

From Jackie Chan look-a-like:

Be grateful he didn't save them for you. When my mother-in-law got a hysterectomy she opted to display her female parts in a jar as a center piece. No one comes for Thanksgiving anymore.

Maggie May said...

Happy Fourth, Funny Girl

whattheham said...

seriously lady gaga gives me the creeps. a) her music sucks b) her "shtick" sucks.

ugh, she needs to go away. and put some pants on while she's at it.

moam said...

The Blake Wright is so wonderful, I am adding him to my favorites. His site reminded me of Natalie Dee, in case you haven't seen her stuff: http://www.nataliedee.com/
Also today's runner pooping himself gave me the gags.