So I called The Geek Squad and they basically told me that connecting to the internet at Starbucks is like going to a sex party holding a venti. Only this was the Geek Squad so he didn't say anything about sex per se, but you just know that's what he was thinking. He meant that because I hadn't updated my virus protection I was basically having sex with multiple partners in the dark without a condom. With other people looking on. And maybe getting slapped on the ass for good measure. So yeah, Starbucks is the new Power Exchange and unsecured WiFi the new glory hole. But 30 is the new 20 so it's all good.
I actually went to the Power Exchange when I was around 25, and right about now my parents are wishing they had heeded my warning for them not to read this. But here's the thing: I didn't mean to go to a sex club. Nor did I mean to dip my ponytail into a small plastic container of lube, but it happens. And "dip my ponytail into a small plastic container of lube" is not a sex party euphemism for group sex. At least not that I know of.
It was Valentine's Day, 1997. I was out with 3 girlfriends and each of us had our own sob story about why Valentine's Day sucked that particular year. Bryan was living in Italy, so there was no amore por mi, or something like that. We went out and got extremely drunk. My friend had the number of a cabbie named Robert. She would call him to pick us up wherever we were and take us to the next bar, the next club, whatever. I was so drunk I called him RohbAIR all night long; I thought he looked French when really he just looked like an old pervy cab driver. At some point he began to tease us about how we thought we were so daring, so city, when really we were just a gaggle of Marin girls feeling jilted on Valentine's Day. Long story short, he bet us we wouldn't go to his favorite club and seeing as how we truly were just a gaggle of Marin girls feeling jilted on Valentine's Day, we did, we went to the favorite club of a 70 year old cab driver who pronounced the 't' at the end of his name.