Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Happy Cinco de Mayo (This Post Has Nothing To Do With Cinco's or Mayo's. It's Not Even All That Happy)

Sorry 'bout that. See, I'm blogging from an über-hipster San Francisco café right now and the guy sitting at the table next to me is totally poaching my screen. Okay, fine--I'm at Starbucks. In Marin. Nothing über about it, but seriously. This guy? He won't stop staring at my laptop. Let's give him something to write home about, shall we?
HERE IS A PHOTO OF MY NEW BOYFRIEND, PAUL. ISN'T HE JUST DIVINE? SOMETIMES, AFTER LOVE-MAKING, HE LOOKS AT ME JUST LIKE THIS, AND A LITTLE PART INSIDE OF ME DIES A THOUSAND HAPPY DEATHS.
Not quite good enough? Okay, Mister NosyPants, get a gander at this:
LATELY PAUL AND I HAVE BEEN REALLY INTO STUFFING LIVE FROGS INTO CLEAR PANTYHOSE AND LETTING THEM RIBBIT ON MY ASS. IT'S FUN! ABOVE IS A PHOTO FROM SUNDAY MORNING. ENJOY!
Great. Now I really have to go pee and I don't know the Starbucks laptop swilling protocol. Do I just leave my computer here, or pack up and take it all into the bathroom with me? Or do I ask Mr. NosyPants to watch it for me, as he has been doing now for the last hour? Crap.
Peace out peeps 'til the Seis de Mayo.

21 comments:

Ana said...

you are disturbed my friend....

Amy said...

HILARIOUS! I've always wondered what to do about those over-the-shoulder readers, and you have captured a way to handle perfectly. I will just save this post and pull it up on my pc next time. LMAO.

melissa said...

Okay, I love love love how that post had nothing to do with us readers at all.
That was too hysterical. Sometimes you gotta do stuff just for THAT EXACT MOMENT...
PS-enjoy your frogs.

moseyalong said...

Now THAT was the chuckle I was needing today (third day of PMS - WTF).

And I like your response to shoulder-watcher so much better than what my response would have been (the GLARE).

Charlee said...

Your mind goes places I wish mine could go. Keep it up!

elena said...

Awesome and hilarious! Although I would come back to your blog just for the crazy random pictures.

Samantha said...

Those poor, poor frogs

Judy said...

LOVED this post....a LOT! Best and funniest thing this week, maybe month.I am just so darn proud of you!
Mom

Vanessa said...

Of all the bizarro fetishes I could try to make up in my little brain, stuffing live frogs into vinyl stockings is probably the last thing I would have come up with. But I bet that dude liked it. Yeah...

ohnomyboots said...

now i can't stop thinking about ass warts.

Annie Empiric said...

that cat looks jut like me beloved Georgii

http://relishsmallpleasures.blogspot.com/2008/08/sweet-dreams.html

thankfully the man reminds me of noone I snuggle with now or ever!

krista said...

paul is hott. with two t's.

Robin said...

So funny.

I was hoping somebody would post the sbux laptop protocol here, because I have wondered that too.

Also, I loved the post and photos about your house. I know you will make your new home beautiful too and make wonderful memories in it.

Rosalie said...

You are hysterical my friend...

Katie said...

I find the frogs to be a bit too slimy for my taste.

Much better to go with lizards.

(wink)

Sarah Danielle: Jeune Marie said...

This is beyond your normal obscenity, LOL. I want so badly to see the look of the screen stalkers face SO badly! I bet he peed himself!!

topsyturvydays said...

I find this post hysterical and disturbing all at once. That frog picture is like a car wreck. I don't want to look at it but I can't tear my eyes away...

JackeeG4glamorous said...

Is that a toad in your pants are you just happy to see me?

Where can I get me some Amazon frogs like that?

regardez moi said...

I believe this is my favorite all time post of yours. I just snorted peanut chew out my nose.

nicole said...

you are my idol

Bird* said...

ridiculously funny.