Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Bleeth and Teeth, Blech

I overdosed last night. Which sounds so Less Than Zero, especially when coupled with my sturm und drang post from yesterday. Of course like a true suburban mom I did not OD on cocaine or heroin, but on hormones. Birth control pills. Yasmin. I'll let you have a moment to think about how crazyhotsexycool I am. (It might help you to picture me in my Honda station wagon, the fresh glitter paint job glinting in the sun, the Cheerios scattered like so many parties. Oh yeah, there you go.)


Wrong Yasmin. In fact, this is Yasmine Bleeth (Whatever happened to her? She should totally be the face of Yasmin), but the photo is a pretty good picture of how I felt, curled up in a ball in bed and then bleething all over the bathroom. Come on, we've all done it, right? Realized we forgot to take a pill at some point and then took two too close together? And then rode out wave after wave of hormone poisoning, hunched over in the bathroom betweens bouts of puke, staring much too closely at that one obligatory stray pubic hair on the floor vowing never to have the sex again if means no more hormones, ever? No? Just me? Well then I guess you also didn't have a dentist appointment first thing the next morning which you did not cancel for godonlyknowswhy, and I guess you did not have to raise one polite hollow finger to make the dental assistant stop scraping your molars so that you could run to the bathroom and throw up some more surrounded by framed illustrations of apples and teeth? Okay, now this is just getting awkward, the sentence structure, the you, the royal we. Alls I'm saying is that it was a morning, much like it was a hockey game for this little boy.

I'm sure he won't forget his birth control pill again any time soon.

18 comments:

arollerskatingjam said...

That must have been pretty awkward at the dentist. I hope they had some mouthwash in their bathroom, to swish with.

Petunia Face said...

I'm pretty sure they thought I was pregnant or something, and I let them think that. Pregnancy is pretty much the only time you can puke and it's AAAWWWWWW!

Kwana said...

I was fine, really, I was straight faced and reliving all my sick days and nights right there with you. Ready to give you my Dr's number to get rid of that pesky uterus then came the pic of the boy and I lost it! Oh the laughter and the tears. I'm going to be mess the rest of the day. Probably tomorrow too. I'll have to stop myself from clicking back.

the girL said...

where do you find these photos!?

i take 2 even if i just think i might have skipped a day (they don't line up perfectly in that little tray so i can never tell). micro orthonor is where it's at. oh, except that I have to take it every day at the exact same time (give or take a couple hours) and i'm forgetful.

Vanessa said...

I'm with The Girl. Where do you stumble upon your magnificent photos? I always forget my pill and double up, but it's never had me hunched over in the bathroom. But I will probably never double up again, I'm too afraid now.

Petunia Face said...

Click on the pic for the link to the puke picture. It's from somebody's tumblr page :)

krista said...

seriously. your hormones find the best pictures.

Angeline said...

LOL to your closing statment! I have dose up on my BC same brand as you...I wanted to skip my monthly friend so i continued onto another pack...needless to say at the end of the month when I was due for the monthly friend I ended up in the hospital with major cramps and non stop throwing up...i to learned my lesson!

Jules said...

I read it! I did it behind closed fingers, but I read it.

Dental hygeine. Now there is a job you couldn't pay me enough to do, and this is one of the reasons! :)

Bird* said...

are you still alive???

this has never happened to me.....
and i don't think it was supposed to happen to you.....

maybe you are pregnant....

Richie Designs said...

omg the puke boy! now there's a moment caught on film

Oh Brother! said...

I was not here.

-bro

Petunia Face said...

I am not pregnant, I assure you. This has actually happened to me before. I'm just super sensitive to the hormones--so you can imagine what a treat I am when I actually am pregnant!

Bro--don't worry. I take the pill for skincare. I have never had sex and actually don't have a nether region at all.

coco+kelley said...

ohmydearlord. that poor boy. and you too (and yes, we've all done it. ugh.)

Petunia Face said...

Jules--I am so proud of you! Yay! Now please don't do a post on MS for me. I'm not as brave :)
xo,
S

Jules said...

Do you have any idea how hard it is to scroll a blog and click on the comments tab with your left hand covering eyes open just a sliver?

Don't worry--no post coming from me. :)

xoxo
j

Anonymous said...

Yikes. This has definitely happened to me before - several times in fact. You are not alone.

The Lil Bee said...

Holy s#it! Where do you find these photos?! This and that farts photo...I swear! I have so been there. In fact, I'm pretty sure I've taken two in one day, twice in a row. That's a SPECIAL feeling!