Friday, March 27, 2009

Patrons of Petunia Face

Yesterday I fell asleep in the park. Like a real bum, only I was drinking pomegranate iced tea and not malt liquor, but maybe that's just a stereotype. Maybe bums do drink pomegranate iced tea and read Us Weekly before nodding off on the grass. Maybe the line between us is not so thick after all. Who knows? Maybe they, too, take pictures of their feet, toes in the grass and nowhere to go. At least the ones with a camera and a computer. A pedicure. And a blog. You know, those bums.
An hour later I woke up to a dog licking my sunburned eyelids. My mouth dry, my head sweaty, my back crazy itchy from the grass. And I realized how lucky I am, unemployed, broke, selling my house, battling dandruff. Because I know what I do have, and not everyone does. And that right there is riches.
Don't worry--I'm not going to hold your hand and sing kumbaya again (although do we agree it's a catchy tune?). No, today I am going to hold out my hand instead, which is just about as comfortable for me as sticking that same hand down my throat, through my innards and out my ass to wave hello, i.e. not so very comfy. But yes, I've added a DONATE button, (see said nifty button on the right-hand side of the aircraft). A few things about this latest addition:

1. Apparently I am an idiot. I wanted my button to be this photo of Nacho here, since this is pretty much what I see every morning as I sit down to write. This head-butting kitten cat all up in my bidness, the bouncer at the door to my blog:

LET ME RUB MY BLACK LIPS ALL OVER YOU FACE AND STAND ON YOUR KEYBOARD, YOU ARE MINE, ALL MINE, NOM NOM NOM, SO WHAT IF I JUST LICKED MY OWN BUTT? NOM NOM NOM, TAKE IT.

After trying to figure out how to upload the photo on Paypal for an hour, it quickly became apparent that I am not getting paid to write, not not getting paid for my mad computer skillz. Which leads me to...

2. I have issues with the word DONATE. But it was either that or Buy Now/Add to Cart, and those are even more misleading. Because here's the thing: I'm not asking for donations. I am not a charity. This is not because I am unemployed or can't afford a Starbucks Chai or the latest cute frock at Anthropologie. That would be disgusting of me. No, this is because I would like to make some money from my writing and am adverse to advertising. I don't want to compromise my content because fuck that and farts are funny and motherfuckingtittyscukertwoballedbitch if I want to. SunMaid Raisins are rad, but something tells me they don't want to be associated with the two balled bitches. But you, on the other hand...

3. If you like what you read and are so inclined, please click on the DONATE button. A quarter, a dollar, $10 grand, whatever. And guess what? If you'd rather not, THAT'S OKAY, TOO. The truth is, I write for myself. It's cathartic, fun, keeps me alive. But in making my writing public via this blog I have to realize that I am also writing for you. No strings attached. This is what I have, and I freely give it to you. Yes, freely. Unless, of course, you want to donate. In which case, fine, I suppose the word "donate" is appropriate. Sheesh. (Why hello there! I'm waving at you from my ass! Toodles!)

So there. Become a Patron of Petunia Face. Or don't. Either way, I know how lucky I am to have you, which makes me the richest blogger in the www.

Happy Friday! May it be sweet.

UPDATE: The lovely Ill-Fitting Overcoat told me how to get Nacho's mug as my DONATE button! She suggested I caption it "Pet My Pussy," which I quite liked, until she said "no, no, don't do that." So I did not. But I thought about it.

YET ANOTHER UPDATE: Just returned home from dinner with friends, eager to check how many millions of thousands of dollars I've accumulated from my new donate button, only to find that I set up the link wrong. God, I suck. I think it's fixed now, though. Why don't you try it out and see? :)

LAST MOTHEREFFING UPDATE (I THINK): There have been a handful of comments to this post that think my new Nacho button is tacky. If there are a handful of people who have commented about it then I have to believe there are more that just think it. And I hate thinking you think I am tacky, or worse--greedy. I am not, but I do believe in supporting the arts; I stand by this post. And yes, I think blogging is an art, just as writing is, painting, music, etc. I never thought this would be controversial, but apparently it is. And no matter what you think about the new Nacho button, I do hope you'll come back. In the meantime, consider donating to Americans for the Arts, a non-profit organization dedicated to advancing the arts throughout American communities.

45 comments:

Aartee said...

So glad this week is over! Happy Friday :)

Your Ill-fitting Overcoat said...

hahaha yessss

Days of Golden said...

Cute pic of Nacho!

katie said...

i'm confused. why don't you accept advertising? dooce does, and if she can get away with it i'm sure you could!

www.dooce.com

Brandi said...

ok, first of all, i love kumbaya!
second, i would like to donate to your 'un-charity' but my other half is close to unemployment, so i'd like to hold on to some quarters...love your blog though!

Baking With Plath said...

Please reconsider labeling it "Pet My Pussy" because that is HILARIOUS.

hej said...

Jeeez, I was poised to plunk down thousands of dollars but clicking on Nacho several times sent me to PayPal which notified me that "Sorry - You're last transaction could not be completed."

What to do, what to do?

Oh, well ... I suppose when you write for free, you pay yourself with freedom.

Meghan M said...

I wanted to become a patron but the link wouldn't work.
Nacho is broken!

Janet said...

Yep, you should label it "Pet My Pussy" Way funny!

Richie Designs said...

if I thought that motherfuckingtittyscukertwoballedbitch was the best use of a slang word evah...

would you let me advertise? I mean I need to spread the word of my awesomeest etsy store and well it would be a win win. I just want a giant button on the right and you can fart and talk about vaginas as much as you want

the girL said...

I'm having problems... clicked on Nacho but PayPal is giving me some sort of error. What's wrong with me!? I just wanna show some love!!!
XOXO

Anonymous said...

Donate button, how very brave of you. I've always wanted to send you a nice gift of some description so this works for me.

Kamryn said...

If you renamed it "Pet My Pussy," you might get a whole new group of readers to donate. :) Although I'm sure they'd be disappointed once they realized what was really going on...

Meghan M said...

Yay!
I tried Nacho again, and he complied this time.
I have donated, though I do think you should set up some sort of reward series like they do PBS or college alumni programs.
You know, donate $20 and get a free "I Hate Mornings" coffee mug....

Petunia Face said...

Jebus Criminy, what a fucking moron I can be.

But I believe the link is now fixed. Donate away! Or don't. Either way is fine.

xo,
Susannah

Anonymous said...

why don't you accept advertising? seriously??

spin it how you want, but it's a handout to have a 'donate to me' button on your blog. i dunno, i think it's weird and crossing the line of good taste, but maybe your friends don't. maybe you leave a tip jar on your counter when you invite people over for dinner too?

Petunia Face said...

Anonymous @ 10:40:

It's not that I don't "accept" advertising on my blog. If somebody wants to advertise and approaches me, I'd probably be game. I just don't want to go through one of the large ad networks because I don't want to worry about how my content will affect their product.

I am also not big enough (like Dooce) to gather advertisers despite swearing, etc.

And lastly, I don't actually invite my friends over for dinner. I invite them to bring me dinner, and then yes, I ask them for cash. And the keys to their car.

xo,
S

krista said...

i think you're a genius.
although i'm not donating considering i can't even afford to donate blood to myself.
and why do people only criticize anonymously?
i also think nacho is the absolute best name for a cat. my cat's name is cheeto.
hmmm...what does that say about us?

Petunia Face said...

Krista--let's breed our cats and have a litter of Frito Pie kittens!

Vanessa said...

If I had a source of income I would. I too, am all sorts of tapped out. Perhaps when summer rolls around and I go back to work?
But I do think you should do a post looking for advertisers, I think you could make a lot more that way. So many people read your blog regularly that I'm sure you'd net a fair amount. Think about it.

Anonymous said...

Petunia, I think you need to give yourself a little more credit with regard to the traditional advertising route. You won't truly know if they will reject you unless you try! Why won't you just try? The worst that could happen is that they could object to some content in your blog and stop advertising with you. If you can handle being laid off twice, having to sell your dream home and drive your mom's old blue car, I think you can handle that! Come on now!

Oh Brother! said...

If someone is "anonymously anonymous," does that mean I know them?

Isn't the anonymity of an anonymous screen name enough?

I mean, I couldn't pick out "Princess Bingo Flower" out of a police line-up (and believe me, I've tried).

So, to the snarky "Anonymous" types... how 'bout you either grow a pair or we just give you your own "anonymous" screen name?

I dub thee.... (eeeeeeeeee... this message has been removed by future advertisers)

Love, "Brother" (ahhh, but who's? Who am I? Oooooh, the mystery of it all)

Purple People Eater said...

Previously anonymous 1:05pm. I guess that's the problem with writing in anonymously and having your thoughts confined to x number of words in a comments sections: one's tone and intent don't necessarily shine through. While I can't speak for all the other anonymous', I was not coming from a place of snark. My intentions were good, and I was trying to be encouraging ... as in, "yes you can" (but only if you take that leap). I'm sorry if my previous comment came across as snark because that most certainly was not how I intended it.

Petunia Face said...

Hi Purple People Eater, previously Anonymous @ 1:05pm (woosh! what a moniker!):

Don't worry--I could hear your good intent. I know you come in peace :)
About 10 months ago I tried to get advertising through Blogher and got on the "waiting list." I figured that was a "don't call us, we'll call you" kind of list.

I'm not totally ruling out advertising forever (never say never to advertising). But I've heard most ad networks can be picky with content and right now I just really need to say what I want without thinking of what an advertiser might say. Once things settle down in my life again, I'll do more research on advertisers to see if there is one that would fit on my blog.

Thanks all!
xo,
S

Your Ill-fitting Overcoat said...

Project Wonderful doesn't give a hoot about your content, as long as it isn't flat-out pornography. Plus, they have a really easy interface and the raddest customer support ever in history. I've made a grand total of $0.25 in a week on there, but I think it will be a great relationship in the long run.

Bonus: I have 100% control over which ads show on my site and most of them are really nice-looking and are advertising people like you and me: artists, bloggers, designers, webcomic writers, etc. I'm a huge fan!

Good Enough Woman said...

I think you are smart and brave to solicit patrons and "subscribers." If it was good enough for the c18 women writers and Ms. Magazine, then why not you? Good job. And I will become a subscriber!

the girL said...

I have a cat named Krunchy and another named Mustard... Nacho would fit right in with them :-)

judy scares me said...

well, honestly the only reason i posted as anon earlier is that i had a feeling my comment would be taken in a negative way, as most comments on this site that are not "ra ra petunia face!" are taken, so i posted anon so i wouldn't be bombarded on my own blog by...um, honestly? judy. she scares me.

anyway, today your blog came up in conversation (mentioned by another person, not me) and she said 'yeah, it's odd...why is she doing that? we all blog for free...to ask for a donation is in very bad taste." i think the tip jar at your dinner party is a good example (not posted by me, though). it's like, "here...i'm doing this for you and for me because it feels great. do you want to pay me now?" so weird. and tacky and in very poor taste, honestly.

pve design said...

This patron wants to know;
Are you saving for some plastic surgery?

pve design said...

What I meant is -
Will the money saved go for a boob job, or cigarettes for your girl? I know you are probably thinking of all the ways you will spend your riches.
You will tell us.

Petunia Face said...

Judy Scares Me--love the name :) And I'm sorry you don't feel you can have an honest dialogue here. I don't mind different opinions; I just don't like when they are worded with obvious disrespect or sound as if they are coming from a mean place.

Anyhoo, the donation thing: it's strange to me that some people are reacting to it so negatively. For hundreds of years there have been patrons of the arts: writers, painters, musicians supported by people who just enjoy what they produce. Do you think it's tacky to support the arts? And yes, I think blogging can be an art :) There are so many wonderful blog writers; they write for free when their content is so rich. I think they deserve to be paid, even if in donation form. (I am not necessarily lumping myself in here, though I do aspire to rich content worthy of support.)

I'm not the only blogger to do this, by the way. Not that that makes it okay if you think it's terrible, but I just wanted to point it out.

Bottom line: it truly bums me out that you think this is tacky, that you think I am tacky. But I stand by it. I was honest when I said it is perfectly fine if you donate nothing at all--I expect 99.99% of readers not to donate anything at all. And soon this post will be buried by others and hardly anyone will notice the Nacho button. I do hope you continue to stop by even if you don't agree with me on this.

Lastly, to PVE Design: Yes, I'm totally getting a boob job with the $$$. Only not for me--for Zoey. And for Bryan if there's enough left over. Thanks for the support! :)

Your Ill-fitting Overcoat said...

Peeps are bizarre-o, plain and simple. Friends at a dinner party? Are your friends. No offense, dudes and dudettes, but most of us are not Susanna's friends. We will never have give and take with her. Just take.

And she is 100% right. Supporting the arts is hella important-- and if you don't think Susanna's writing is art, then:

(a) You should read 99% of the other blogs out there for purposes of comparison, and
(b) Why the hell are you reading? It's a waste of your time and Susanna doesn't want your money.

The negative comments smack of jealousy, pure and simple. Susanna isn't demanding payment, though she surely could. She's asking for optional compensation for her hard work. If blogging isn't hard work for you, then no offense, but you probably suck at it.

When you leave a tip for your waitress or your cab driver or your barista, is that tacky, too? If you think being paid for your work is tacky, then I'm thrilled for you and your trust fund, but most of us? Need to pay the bills.

Sarah Danielle: Jeune Marie said...

Note to self: Donate $10 because Nacho is a hilarious cat name.

Your blog constantly makes me laugh and smile, that has got to be worth at least $10 right?? Keep on doing what your doing!

judy scares me (still) said...

maybe it wouldn't be so strange if you posted about your support to the art community pre-layoff? i don't remember you ever doing that (mentioning your volunteer efforts or support of the arts community) when you had your job. or even now that you're not working, are you volunteering anywhere? donating your time, instead of money? not that you don't, but i don't remember you mentioning it.

so, to now say "support the arts, ie: my blog" - great idea, and belive me i do support the art community, in many ways. just wondering when you did?

Petunia Face said...

Still scared--I actually donate art supplies to public schools. And I have made it a practice to donate money when I can to various organizations, not just to support the arts. I am also on the list to donate my bone marrow--not even kidding about that although it sounds like it.
Not sure if that answers your question or your challenge, but there it is.

Your Ill-fitting Overcoat said...

Your volunteerism is irrelevant, Susannah. You're not asking for a hand out, you're giving people the opportunity to compensate you for the value we receive from your work. If we don't receive value from your work, or if we can't afford to compensate you for it, we don't have to pay and we get to keep reading for free. The arrangement is both simple and generous and you have nothing to defend.

Petunia Face said...

Thank you, Ill-Fitting Overcoat, for saying what I was too flustered to even think of. You're right, very, very right. :)

jenn barnes said...

good lord. what has happened to this great little blog since i last checked in? i see that comment moderaton is always on, people are snarky (way more than ever) and you're on the defense a LOT. and when i've seen you comment on other blogs, people snap back at you (and definitely not out of jealousy, as ill fitting overcoat would have us believe) and now you have a donation button, which is perplexing. this whole blog seems to have taken a turn, not what i remember at all. sheesh.

i think the rub with the donation button is something like calling yourself a "professional volunteer". if you make your full time gig a non paying one, and then ask for a donation, or call it "supporting the arts" it's a bit odd. it makes people uncomfortable, because if you have all this time to write this blog, while not working and talking about how bored you are, surely you have time to volunteer somewhere? a writing clinic maybe for under priveliged children? or if not, you could put the word out that you'd like to take on advertising, as many blogs do without having to adjust their content. just my take on this, although you do seem to have a many supporters here. good luck to you.

Petunia Face said...

Hi Jenn--
Just out of curiosity--when have other people on other blogs snapped at me? A few months ago there was a scuffle on Decorno's post about the economy, but that's it. And I comment on other blogs a lot. Just wondering.
Also, I am not a professional volunteer. I am a mother, a writer and also someone who is looking for a regular full-time job.
-S

Maggie May said...

I totally agree with Ill Fitting Overcoat. Petunia Peanut Plum Pudding, Forgettthaboughtet. I love your blog.

xo

jane said...

You have guts. And I like that.

Would you consider "paying it forward" and linking to patrons on your blog, maybe as blog crushes, or as something else like maybe nacho crushes?

Petunia Face said...

Jane--I LOVE that idea. Perfect! Yes! I will do a Nacho's Crush list: Patrons of Petunia Face log. You're brilliant! Thank you! :)

Will do tomorrow (along with updating my blog roll).

Thank you!
xo,
Susannah

JC said...

I kind of like the notion of asking for donations myself. Really, why not? It's not manatory; more like the tip jar idea. If you like the service, and you yourself are still enployed (unlike me), leave a tip. I did not, however, donate anything today to the man who asked me for one as he was only lounging about, holding up the wall outside the convenience store.
He should have at least had the decency to look busy.

Lolo said...

Wow. I haven't been reading your blog long enough to know whether more than 40 comments are a lot but daaaaaaaaaaaang, did you hit a sore spot or what?? Phew.

Writing is hard, for most of us. If you care, at all, about language evoking, conveying what you feel and see in a way that has any sort of grace to it, then it's hard. It's obvious that while you are a natural talent, it's a talent that's been honed through use and thought. I'm going to be a snobby know it all for a minute and say that I've been on the internerdywebs for uh .... about ten years and this blog is one of about a dozen, ever, that I've personally read that is written with such poignancy and grace and self deprecating sweetness. Plus, it doesn't trigger my "man, I wish she would take a couple of writing courses so that she could put together a proper sentence."

So, to sum up my rant (or windbagging) ~ if you read other blogs that are as good as this one then please leave a link because I know that I could never get too full of this sort of writing. To be able to read it for free is a gift that I gladly open up as often as possible. If someone resents the comment moderation then perhaps they could join a message board. I do appreciate that when I read the comments here, I'm unlikely to read things like "your a tacky looser".

Hmmm, I may have crossed a line myself with that last one but I won't take offence if you decide not to allow it.

The thing is, if you were working a paying job you would be unlikely to have the time to write this blog as well and as often as you do. So, till then I'll gratefully enjoy your tales.

Jenny Hileman said...

I just recently found your blog and I have to say, I love it! I thought I couldn't possibly be more entertained until I saw the pic of your pretty painted piggies laying on McKegney (sp?) green! I grew up in tiburon and spend almost every weekend between my th and 18th years playing soccer on that field. thank you for the picture, and the memory :)