Just once I'd like to walk into an interview wearing jeans and flip flops, maybe my pajamas if it's a particularly rainy day. I'd toss my resume and portfolio onto the table, ask for a hot chocolate (with miniature marshmallows!) and say, "With all due respect, you know my credentials, my experience, what college I went to and that I was laid off from my last job. And the one before that, true, true, the economy sucks and you've got me! I surrender! But here's the thing: I can do this job, easy-peasy lemon-squeazy. Done, eyes-closed, one arm tied and in Cantonese. I will arrive each day with a good attitude, fresh bagels if it's Friday and it's my turn. I will get the work done and then some. I will sign the birthday card for Mike in Marketing complete with a smiley face even though we all know he's an ass. I won't get smashed at the holiday party, nor will I leave my leftover pasta in the break-room fridge for weeks on end. I will wash my own coffee cup. Hell, I don't even drink coffee, true story. I will meet the bottom line fiscal goals and soon my conversation will be littered with the company-speak of this particular organization, even if that means using architect as a verb. Because I am a team player, and I like to architect a strong company morale. See? Did you see that? This is one out-of-the-box team playa.'So please--don't ask me about a situation in which I took initiative; don't ask me to describe what motivates me, to give an example of how my communication skills are used on the job, if I would describe myself as a leader. Because the answer is yes. Oh, sure, I'll talk my way in and around the question and you'll sit there taking notes, nodding, and I won't know when to stop talking and maybe I'll just sort of trail off with a weak smile on my face, so let's just cut the crap. Whatever the right answer is, that's what I said. Yes. Done. Hire me, or don't. Totally your call." And then I will shake the interviewer's hand and ask where the bathroom is because I really have to pee. See, usually I hold it because nobody wants an employee with a bladder, right? But no. Just once I'd like to actually ask where the bathroom is, after that hot chocolate and all. I am just so tired of trying to impress people. I'm telling you: it's a good thing I'm married because I would suck at dating. Like 43 cats suck. Yesterday's interview was good. And then I came home and put on some really ugly pajamas, black socks and stuck a spinach leaf in my teeth because I wanted to look unpresentable. I didn't even eat the spinach; I just stuck a little on my front tooth and then watched my Tivo'ed season finale of A Double Shot at Love with the Ikki Twins. (And here I must digress: I feel terrible for Rikki! That shovel face Trevor said he loved her and then chose Vikki! What the Six of Nikki is going on with that??!) So here's the thing. I also had a phone interview yesterday, very casual, more informational than anything. It's for an internet type deal-i-o, social networking, building communities and all that hoodoo voodoo. Mum's the word, if you catch my drift. I professed my passion for the www, for the support and community I've found through blogging; I professed my passion for you. And now the guy wants to see my blog. Which is totally fine if he were to read this post or this one or this one. But maybe not this one or this one, know what I mean? But I can't very well send him bits and pieces; he asked for the url. So essentially I am going to interview in pajamas and tell him I need to pee. And right about now he might be reading this. Hello. Don't worry--I'm wearing a bra.
And this is where you come in. I'm tired. There is no more hiding. He has my resume. I'm at home with Zoey today and we have plans to make cinnamon streusel. From a box. Bryan is sick. It's raining. Without knowing any specifics, please leave a comment and tell him why I'd be good at the job. Why you read me, why you visit this far-out corner of the www, why me.
Why not? Happy Friday.
Susannah *Image source unknown. Please claim if yours and I will happily credit you.