Friday, February 20, 2009

F*ck It List

For no apparent reason other than it was either this or I write more about leaky nipples, here are 5 things on my To Do list before I die (accompanied by What Is Stopping Me):
  1. Cut my hair into a bob with bangs and dye it black, then wear capri pants, a striped sailor poorboy and flats. Everyday. What Is Stopping Me: my round face, cheeks of a monchichi, general love of hygiene, and probably the look on Bryan's face.
  2. Pose nude, tastefully, of course (for whom I do not know). What Is Stopping Me: the fact that my dad and brother are still very much alive, the fact that I don't want them to die, and the fact that my nudity is quickly losing fair market value.
  3. Win the lottery. What Is Stopping Me: I don't actually play the lottery.
  4. Get all La Femme Nikita on somebody who tries to attack me using the kickboxing moves I learned the Summer of Tae-Bo (sans suffering any post-traumatic stress disorder). What Is Stopping Me: I don't really want to be attacked, my arms the make and model of a mildly retarded T-Rex, I never actually finished the Tae-Bo tape that summer of 1995 because Billy Blanks creeped me out.
  5. Spontaneously break into song and dance somewhere random in public much to the surprise and joy of those around me, a la this gent spotted by the Jumbotron at a sporting event:

What Is Stopping Me: Nothing.

Watch out, world: it's the weekend.

What's on your To-Do list?

p.s. Please don't call it a Bucket List. The movie sucked and the phrase rather irks me. If you must, Fuck-it List is eons better.

18 comments:

I *Heart* You said...

that video is unbelievabley awesome. what a great song to take the jumbo-tron.

JennyLo said...

I was having the worst day, of the worst week ever, until this post and this insane video. Thank you for making me laugh amidst my very bad week.

Loosy said...

I think I found my older sister/mentor. OMG. I love your writing. My mom has been an avid fan of yours for sometime now and she JUST recently shared your site with me. (She's so selfish). You are brilliant.

xoxo

Huge fan

Sarah Danielle: Jeune Marie said...

BAHAHAHAHAHA this is the best thing I have seen in a while!! Sadly all of my husbands rugby mates would TOTALLY do this!!

monkey said...

my f*ck it list is so cliche i can't even look at it anymore. i wrote it before i left maui to come back to california and i was full to bursting with hope and faith that life would not be as hard as i feared.
bah. i'm in a mood today so i'm afraid my f*ck it list is on the brink of being shredded.
i think i'll pack it away and go eat something full of sugar.
or i'll just watch that video again with my baby because nothing beats a one year old trying to sing along to bon jovi,
fyi...i'll have you know i saw bon jovi in concert 5 times in high school. yes, yes, yes. i was that girl.

MJ said...

My F It List:

1. Streak naked thru a bicycle marathon or 4th of July parade wearing only a brown paper bag over my head with small cut outs for only my eyes. (I feel like this is very do-able)

2. Tell my boss or superior 'Go F*ck Yourself, I quit!' (I'm too chicken to ever do something like it, usually I just hold back from crying and get myself thru these horrible jobs, although I've wanted to a million times)

3. Learn how to breakdance and be a back up dancer for Britney Spears or the Pussy Cat Dolls. (I might be past my prime for this job, but here's to wishful thinking!)

4. Ever since I was little I was obsessed with the adopt a child for a penny a day, I always wanted to adopt those babies you see in the informercials, the ones so starved their stomachs protruding, flies everywhere, bare feet and naked. I wanted to save them all! I wanted to go to Africa and adopt as many babies as I can take back home with me. (I had this idea WAY before Angelina Jolie came up with it, now it's become like the trendy thing to do and octopussy just ruined everything, I can't be that lady with 14 kids anymore)

5. Say f*ck it, sell everything, pack up and move to some remote place.....(like Santorini, not REALLY remote and not REALLY self sufficient enough, but come on...a girl can dream) and live life the fullest.

Jenn said...

1. Go live in France for a month, write, drink a lot of coffee, eat croissants, and possibly take up smoking. Why I haven’t yet: A lack of money, what to do with my husband while I’m there, and possible lung cancer.

2. Write a novel -- worth reading -- and get it published. What’s stopping me: My severe lack of focus on said novel.

3. Get to my goal size/weight and then wear something incredibly revealing and inappropriate to some fabulous event where everyone will simultaneously hate me and envy me. What’s stopping me: Every piece of cake I’ve ever seen.

4. Ride a segway through a major city, dorky helmet and all, and not feel even the slightest bit embarrassed. What’s stopping me: Dignity.

Good Enough Woman said...

Great video. It reminds me of another one that you can see here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YT56YizyR2o

Ali said...

i could watch that video all day...

and ps. i HATE when people call it a bucket list. HATE.

Richie Designs said...

right now I have an obsession to turn in the director of a medical program that my boyfriend attends for the most insane abuse of power and political abuse I've ever witnessed in an education system.

She thinks she is above the standardization rules of educational systems, she also shows gross preferential treatment to students who can get her more grant money, serious ageism among the many, many things that are wrong with this small out of the way program.

The problem is...if I turn her in and the program is found to be guilty of these things and lose accreditation the 4+ years of work that he and I have gone through will be for nothing.

The boyfriend is doing well in the program and currently, I'm documenting everything that goes down ... incase of. I will hand it all over to my next door neighbor who writes for the LA Times.

I also have dreams of walking into her office with said envelope of information and telling her that she is going DOWN.

Did I mention that I have first hand knowledge that favors were called in for her in Sacramento's board of education when she forgot to renew her own personal medical license? ah yah...had anyone found out it would have been the end of her show.

---
other than that...sell all my crap and travel which I will never do because i love my crap.

-----
ps I have cut my hair off twice [boy short] and it was so freeing. I beg you to go buy yourself a super cheapy black wig and cut bangs. Bryan will love it mystery girl ;)

Kendra plus 2 said...

I randomly break out into song and dance in public weekly. Not to the extent of Jumbotron guy, but close. My husband hates it.

cybill said...

I like your list, you should definatley do #1, but buy 7 changes of the same outfit to get around the hygiene problem.
Did you notice on the video how no-one responds very positively to this guy until they see they are on TV, then they all want to join in - that says something about society doesn't it?

Vanessa said...

Ok, first of all, that is probably my favorite song of all time. Many a time have I broken into a poorly timed dance thanks to Mr. Jovi.
Now, my list:
1) I want someone to threaten me at a bar (preferably a dive bar). Then I will grab the nearest beer bottle by the neck and do that move where you smash it against the bar to create a jagged weapon of death. Then I lift it slowly and say something like "you picked the wrong girl t mess with" or something. They back off in trepidation. / This will never happen because no one has eve threatened me and I would probably panic first.

2) I quit my job and move back to the U.S. for good. / Won't happen YET b/c there are no jobs here and I can't live with my parents forever.

3) Fuck it, accrue major debt and go to film school. / Won't happen b/c I don't want the debt. Sticking to night classes.

This was fun! I'm going to think of this list more!

Maggie May said...

oh my god! i will do the last one on your list with you!!!!

Oh Brother! said...

Ok... fvck it, I'll bite.

1. Grow my hair long like Jim Morrison. What's keeping me? NOTHING, except I'm too impatient! Now damn it. ... oh, and I know I won't look like Jim Morrison, more like Wayne from Wayne's World.

2. Go tell a gang member what I REALLY think. Reason? I'd get killed. Dead is bad.

3. Swim with Dolphins. And no, that's not code for embracing my homosexual side. Or, is it? Fvck it. It'd just be fun. Stopping me? Nada.

4. Go hang-gliding... wait, I JUST did that!

5. I love the beer bottle bash idea someone had here... I'll borrow that one! What's stopping me? As a guy, you pull that crap and you're gonna actually get killed.

6. Dunk. Yeah, dunk. Sounds weird, right? What's stopping me? Not height. No skillz, baby.

7. Taking ALL my money and letting it ride on "Black." Let 'er ride! What's stopping me? Right now, frighteningly little.

8. Ramming the car in front of me while driving! You have NO idea how powerful this urge is. What's stopping me? Less and less everyday.

9. Giving a massive MLK-style sermon that whips a crowd into a frenzy (or insert pulling off that big "Aha!" moment in a thrilling courtroom drama, that really never happens). What's stopping me? Hey, I'd do it if someone set the stage!

10. Telling THE absolute truth to everyone ALL the time. Ahhhh... it WOULD set me free. Stopping me? It'd also leave me alone and penniless.

Ta to the frickin' da.

Bro.


P.S. To my sister's list, yeah, still alive here, so ixneigh on the naked-neigh. Please :)

Zurie Grace said...

Just found your blog...and I am so happy that I did! This "F" it list is amazing! I especially loved your #1, because I too have thought about cutting my hair and dying it black like that (although I'd never ever do it)! Thank you for this refreshing post and uplifting my day :)

Brie said...

Oh how I love this!!!

Michelle said...

I'd love to kick someone's ass if they tried to attack me! I don't really have the skills (or probably the courage, when it comes right down to it), but I like to think I could.