Let me save you the trouble: if you're looking for an epiphany, a direction for your life maybe, a small sign if epiphany comes off as too weighty, you're not going to find it by driving to San Diego. Or back again. Because it would seem that the flat ribbon of Interstate 5 is not the Road Less Traveled of which the ubiquitous Oprah Aha! Moment is made. Believe me, I tried. Really, I did. Give me a sign, I whispered to the steering wheel while Bryan and Zoey slept in the backseat, two identical jaws slack wide open, mouths dry and silent. Pssst! Come on. Anything. Pea Soup Andersons whipped by me. An Oldsmobile with a RETIRED sticker. Harris Ranch and the stench of a thousand cows.
But there was nothing but a semi beside me and a bag of Doritos in my lap. What does it all mean? I thought later as Zoey watched The Little Mermaid for the jigabillionth time in a row. I don't know when... I don't know how... but I know something's starting right now. Watch and you'll see... Somebody I'll be... Part of your world! You know you're in bad shape when you find yourself wringing meaning from a Disney princess cum mermaid who doesn't even know the word for legs and then goes and gets herself married at sixteen. Bah! Why I hear even Disney is laying off its work force. Today I emailed out maybe a dozen resumes. Hit SEND and off they went into the void of maybe. Tomorrow I will email out a dozen more. Need a PhD? Dude! I can totally do that! CPA? LINUX developer? HVAAC repairs? MSW, DDS, AIA, LMNOP? I like titles in BOLD! I can DO titles in BOLD! ME! PICK ME! Always the girl raising her hand, the annoying one who couldn't stand it when other kids stuttered while reading outloud. uh, uuh, uuuunnn... UNEMPLOYED! UNEMPLOYED! THE WORD IS UNEMPLOYED! And then the teacher would give me a stern look and I knew, just knew, that I would not be called on then. That my arm would grow achy raised up high overhead. But I'm still sitting here. Sure my head has dropped to my desk and my eyes are closed, but my hand is up, one arm supporting the other. Me, me. Pick me. I have no freaking idea which exit to take but I'm still pretty sure I know the answer.