Monday, October 20, 2008

Monday, Monday

If this day were a person it would totally be my brother’s and my childhood nemesis, Josh Maggot. And yes, that was his real name. He lived up the street from us and used to shoot my brother with his bb gun and call my mother a cunt. I was maybe six, he and my brother would’ve been eight. He had wiry hair and weasel eyes; he was short and mean as a feral dog. Josh Maggot was like a character in a Charles Dickens novel in that everything about him from his name to his physicality accentuated who he was and his lot in life.

October 20th, 2008: This day also seems to go by the moniker of Josh Maggot. From the minute I walked into work the day has been pelting me with bbs hot and hard. At noon I am fairly certain I heard the day call me a cunt. What this day does not seem to know, however, what Josh Maggot himself did not know back then, is that it will remain short, wiry and mean. It will be forever aiming its gun at something, anything, nothing, its mouth full of foul sound. It will grow stunted and dark, limited, while I will grow up, grow tall, go to sleep and wake up to another day. Perhaps tomorrow will have a different name: Serena, maybe, Allaire or Lily. Something soft, I am sure. Or maybe tomorrow will be named Dorothea Shaw. She was my 4th grade teacher, a hippie who would pull us on her lap when we fell on the playground, one hand hovering over the scraped arm or knee. She would wave her hand three inches over the owie in question in rhythmic circles over and over and over, lulling us into silence and then quickly shake her hand off as if the pain were sticky. And it worked. The pain flew away.
Something tells me Josh Maggot didn't have Dorothea Shaw as his 4th grade teacher.
May your day be named something nice and your tomorrow even sweeter.
'Til then.

10 comments:

jen said...

MY day was called Ass Smell. That was also, coincidentally, the name of the kitchen I work in and walked out of because of its lovely name and stench.

I hope tomorrow's name is Luna. That sounds nice. And soothing. And non-smelly.

Jules said...

My day's name was, "My God, I'm fat."

benson said...

I wonder whatever happened to Josh? I love that you have fond memories of elementary school teachers (considering I am one!) and I hope I get to be in someone's blog 20 years down the line. My day would have been Sleepy Jane...yawn..better go catch some zzzzzz's.

karey m. said...

my weekend was eugene rigsby.

Robin said...

I also remember my childhood with a lot of detail. But my 4th grade memories are in my 4th grade vocabulary. Your writing is really special! I hope you have a better day :)

katiedid said...

All better now. Can I call my day Petunia Face?

Sarah Danielle said...

Oh I had a "Josh Maggot" in elementary school... his name was Chase Craig. Even worse he had orange/red hair, pale skin and freckles. He was the worst.

The Lil Bee said...

I wonder what Josh Maggot is up to now. My mom had a childhood nemesis named Shirleyann Maloney. And they called her Shirleyann Baloney. Shirleyann and Josh Maggot need to be in some sort of 1950s Stand By Me-type film, making out in the back of a pickup truck.

Petunia Face said...

I have no idea where good ol' Josh Maggot is today but I do remember when I was in my early 20's I ran into him somewhere. He was still short and wiry. I don't think he remembered me but he wouldn't stop staring at my boobs nonetheless. Maybe because they were at his direct eye level, the little maggot-y weasel.

beachbungalow8 said...

i knew a girl named michelle maggot. wonder if they're related. she was nice but sort of trampy.