Friday, August 8, 2008

Starring Bryan as Gopher (Even Though You Know He Wants to be Isaac).

Zoey was just 19 months old the last time, and what I remember most is this:

Good times.
Of course if I am honest with myself (and look back through old photos) I am forced to also remember this:

Not such good times. Dare I say? Times that sucked ass.
Ladies and gentlemen, I am going on vacation. You know, if you call a road trip down the coast of California with a toddler "vacation." And if you do, I hope you save room in the suitcase for your ball gag and nipple clamps. Because if you think six hour stretches of driving on I5 with a two year old is relaxing, you are one sadistic motherfucker.
We are road tripping down to San Diego and then up to Santa Monica for my brother's wedding where Zoey will rock a flower girl frock of black taffeta, bedazzled with a sparkley rhinestone brooch and princess glitter slippers. You better believe I will harass you all with photos upon our return.
But not to worry, mama's taken care of you. In my absence I have lined up a star roster of guest bloggers, a veritable who's who of who I secretly want to be. First up, we've got this hot blogging chica. Then this lil' bit of sass. If anyone can get you through your hump day it's her. This saucy lady will go next. And finally this one, way to end the week right. I honestly think the week I am gone will be the best week of posts on my blog ever.
Seeing as how it will all be so exciting and new, I thought I'd introduce a special guest star on Saturday, a non-blogging mama with a lot to say. (Oy. And I do mean a lot.) Think of this blog as The Love Boat and she as Charo, all flash and glitter, rapid fire words with a shake shake shake.
Secret's in the sauce, dear readers, secret's in the sauce. You'll have to tune in next Saturday to find out who this very special guest blogger will be. Coochie Coochie!
As for me, I'm outta' here! Wish us luck. And when I return you are all cordially invited to sit at the Captain's table (where I will serve Kraft mac and cheese, you know, the bunny shaped kind? On account of it will be a special occasion reunion episode and all).

Missing you already!




v8_grrl said...

damn you and your vacation!!!
Have the best time ever...Take a Butt load of pictures and I'll be waiting...nipple clamps and ball gags.!!!
be safe !

jozette said...

nipple clamps... check
ball gag... check
bottle of vodka... empty.

have fun! i'll try not to fudge up your blog while you are gone :)

Jen said...

Have a safe and easy trip! and dont forget the Dora and Wiggle DVD's....that's the only way we travel with Leah!

And I can't wait to see pics of the Zoemeister in her flower girl dress!!

Erin said...

I forgot that was this week already! Well, have fun!! I hope it goes smooth for you, since I need inspiration to do that same drive with Porter in a couple of weeks.

Oh, and the surprise guest mama non-blogger with a lot to say? Don't want to ruin the surprise, but my guess is it's someone we all know and love from your comments section.

Jessie said...


scarletvirago said...

Please believe me when I say that 6 hour stretches with a two year old in the car is still preferable to a one hour stretch with said two year old on an airplane. I've done both, but I bear scars from the plane ride.

Judy said...

I love you...but you are a total Wuss if you think travel with a toddler on I5 even BEGINS to compare to the torture, nay horror, of your fish-belly-white, meant-to-get-toned-up-and-lose-a-little-weight=but-forgot, "mature" bodied Mom trying to find a swimsuit for LaLa Land, home of the beautiful people! And, that's all I have to say about That!

Misplaced Country Girl said...

Miss you already!

jen said...

Charo has GOT to be your mom! Am I right?? huh? Huh?

hej said...

Jen got it right and, actually, Susannah is our "love" child.

Visual Vamp said...

Have a great time! My mother once drove us kids, 6 of us! (yikes she had 7 and yes she did lose her fucking mind) across country. We were aged 12 down to a set of baby twin boys still in diapers. She was chasing a man. I swear! And she got him, and married him, our step dad Ronderful, and they had a baby, good ol' number 7. Car trips and kids - heaven and hell and never to be forgotten. Chau for now...

Erin said...

Confused by hej's slightly cryptic response -- Susannah, were you conceived on a cruise ship?

franki durbin said...

You are a riot. I guess I'll know in about 16 months what it's like to travel with a two year old (((shudders))) I hope it's not nearly as scary as you just made it out to be :)

Have a great time. These girls will take fabulous are of your blog!

~M said...

Did anyone notice that Zoey's got Charo hair in her tantrum picture? Is she Charo's granddaughter or what?