I come home bearing no gifts. No San Diego fridge magnets, no miniature California license plate with your name on it to pimp out your banana seat bike. Not even an animated drawing of my head, big eyes and bigger cheeks, a cotton candy memory straight from the sweaty Santa Monica pier. Just one tired blog mama who had the best vacation ever.
Stories and photos to come tomorrow which I realize is the modern equivalent of me inviting you over to see slides of my family vacation, you all bored, squirmy and polite on my couch nursing a drink, me standing at the back of the room, clicker in hand. Click. And here we are at the beach. Click. And here we are at the other beach. See how the sand here is finer? Click. Oh look. Here we are at the far end of that beach. Click. Don’t worry. I’ll make the drinks strong and the slideshow short. But really all I want to do today is my laundry. And thank all the lovely talented ladies who guest blogged for me. YOU ARE ALL EVER SO AWESOME. Really. I owe you. You name it. Like, if you ever need money or maybe my womb to house your fetus, just ask. I won't eat soft cheeses or drink any wine, really. I owe you all big time. Although I do want to correct one statement made in the comments section of Paige’s post. The crotchless Spanx suck. Literally. You think you’re in the clear as you crouch over the toilet to pee but no, not necessarily. That ace bandage masking as a crotchless panty girdle doesn’t, um, open wide enough, and if you’re not careful you will pee onto the sides and the fabric wicks it up, quick! Like that. And then you are forced to hang out the rest of the night with the octogenarians of the family so if anyone smells urine they will assume it is wafting from the nether region of the old ladies, not you, no, never you in that skintight dress printed with peacocks. I mean personally I’d rather smell like piss than have a gut, but that’s just me. I’m just letting you all know so you can make your own decision. Okie dokie artichokie, ready spaghetti, let’s go. See ya later alligators, same bat time, same bat place with pics and stories galore. Missed you all fiercely and now I am off like a prom dress!