Thursday, July 17, 2008

Members Only

Do you ever get the feeling that somewhere there is a huge party going on without you? As if somehow, somewhere people are perusing an open bar, laughing with heads tossed back, one hand holding a bacon-wrapped canapé, the other touching the elbow of a stranger that is now a very best friend in the whole world wide web? The very kit and caboodle of mingling merriment? Do you ever get the feeling that it’s not just a feeling?
Well, unfortunately there is no feminine hygiene spray for this not-so-fresh feeling.

This is totally the look I was planning on rocking at Blogher. Members Only, baby!

I registered for Blogher months ago, just after I was laid off and ahead of me stretched a seemingly endless mirage of long un-showered days spent watching Oprah and blogging. I craved connection and purpose. The promise of a good time. So I plunked down a chunk of change, splurging on the weekend package, cocktail parties and all. How could I not? This year the conference takes place in San Francisco, my backyard. It’s not as if I had to pay for airfare or accommodations.

The problem with Blogher being in San Francisco is that I am not on vacation from my life. I cannot drink a few martinis and stumble up to my hotel room, tipsy and just a wee bit gassy from bacon-wrapped canapés. I have to work. I am exhausted after the first week at the new job. Last night Zoey’s diaper leaked and I have to wash all of her bedding before tonight. Tomorrow we have a birthday party to attend. This weekend we are re-landscaping our front yard. Oh blah di, oh blah da, life goes o-on! La la la la life goes on.

Truth be told I don’t like martinis. Even when blitzed I suck at mingling. Most likely I would just stand there awkwardly in that conference room sidled up close to a ficus tree for camouflage, strategically planning out trips to the bathroom just so I have somewhere to go.

I did not attend the cocktail party last night. I can’t go to the conference today. Or tomorrow. And I certainly can’t just show up all fresh and unknown at the cocktail party on Saturday night, right? Not when everyone is in the midst of bonding, blood sisters of blog.

I have spent more on less. An Ab-Cruncher complete with instructional video. Membership to Lucinda Bassett’s Center for Attitudinal Healing. A leather motorcycle jacket that I never wore way back in 1992 just because I thought Shannen Doherty looked badass in hers. At least this waste of money is supporting something I really believe in: the blogging community. Because really? I have never believed in washboard abs.

So this weekend somewhere across the Bay there truly is a party going on without me. It's not just a feeling; I can hear the laughter tinkling across the water as inmates once did imprisoned on Alcatraz. Meanwhile over here at Casa Petunia Face, bridge and tunnel, baby, my swag bag will be filled with diapers and dirt.

12 comments:

MissEm said...

I don't get why they'd have a blog conference during the work week in the first place!

I *Heart* You said...

i propose we start our own conference. and have jackets and secret passwords.

Jules said...

No! I was hoping you would go and tell me all about it. Things aren't much more glamorous at my casa, either.

~M said...

I think you should go to the party on Saturday. Even if you have dirty fingernails :-) I bet you won't be the only newbie there. And you don't have to have a martini. Do it. Do it!

zakary said...

I will buy the Ab-Cruncher from you if you still have it, you know, if you wanted to make some of your money back.

Have a dirty vodka martini for me!

Ana said...

get your butt there S.

Sarah's Fab Day said...

You should totally go even if it is for the last cocktail party. I would imagine that there are a lot of people there that would LOVE to meet the infamous Petunia Face!

And I agree with Paige we could start our own conference complete with jackets & passwords.

meril said...

well, it's not like a corporate event where you are hawking you latest 'innovation' or something. just go and meet some cool writers. then let us know who was wearing what.

hej said...

Go.

Misplaced Country Girl said...

You should go and represent all of us and then report back. I'm also going to second i *heart* you's idea about your own conference. That would be awesome. Can we also have a secret handshake? I've always wanted one of those.

The Lil Bee said...

Oh, damn. Yeah, I do know that feeling. It creeps up on me every now and then, like when I'm out walking the pooches and 20-somethings walk past me in their little hoochie outfits with wine and beer in hand, and I just know there's a rockin' party going on around the corner that I wasn't invited to.

PS: Do I need to sign up for this Blogher group?! Sounds pretty cool and I keep reading about it this week.

benson said...

You should totally go for casual cocktails on Saturday! You'll be the "who's that girl" girl-the mysterious, the infamous, the so frickin cool she couldn't show up the first night girl...put your party dress on and GO!! You'll regret it if you don't!!