Thursday, July 31, 2008

Awkward

So I kind of accidentally volunteered to go to Vegas for the day. For work. And I don't mean on a private jet wearing spandex, sitting across from Janice Dickinson and getting paid by the hour. I mean flying commercial wearing sensible shoes, up at 5 am, home by 9pm, walking a trade show all day long with my new boss.

We have already established that I don't do well with small talk. And so it seems that spending 12+ hours with my new boss is asking for some sort of awkward. I cannot help but imagine us walking down an aisle of goods at around 4pm when my sugar levels start to plummet. I will be nervously filling in the silence with nonsense, trying to impress. You know, ROI this, margin that, market trend vagina analysis comps cock and balls quotes for tooling and development timeline, should we get this produced in China or just go do some blow in the bathroom stall? Wait a minute, did I just say vagina? Cock and balls? Supercalifragalisticexpialidocious. And I have never even done coke but that is what I am afraid Vegas will do to me, all that time to meander and fill up space with someone I hardly even know yet. I am afraid I will blurt out the inappropriate, wear the wrong shoes, that the air-conditioned convention center will give me a chill.

Luck be a lady today because I am really dreading this.

Bonus points for anyone who can name that pencil-neck in the blue.

13 comments:

kelly said...

Bill Gates! Did I win the jackpot?

Have a great "day" in Las Vegas. :)

v8_grrl said...

oh my god, kelly, I was thinking the same thing...Bill Gates Jr.

Claire said...

Good luck! Does the boss have kids? Those kinds of conversations make for great filler - and you've got some great stories to share!

benson said...

maybe boss reads your blog and will have his/her own stories to tell?

Erin said...

You'll do great!

And it looks like I'm already late to the party, but I think the guy in the blue shirt looks like Bill Gates.

Be the change..... said...

ya -bill gates is rather unfortunate looking. Lucky him that he's worth billions of dollars.

Jules said...

Bill Gates, and if you small talk even just a little like you write you'll be more than fine. :)

Kathi D said...

Just let him know the Federal Government has discrimination rules even for you sufferers of Tourette's.

darlabug said...

It's Bill Gates

The Lil Bee said...

"...market trend vagina analysis comps cock and balls quotes for tooling and development timeline, should we get this produced in China or just go do some blow in the bathroom stall?"

I just peed in my pants!

Fifi Flowers said...

That's easy Bill Gates... hope you enjoy Vegas... stiff upper lip... go forth and prosper! ;)

~M said...

I have a headache from laughing too hard and choking on a Wheat Thin. Hope you had a great time. I'm sure the tradeshow was too loud for him to hear what you were saying anyway. Where'd you get the hot pic of BG?

Sidney Ann said...

This was about the funniest thing I've ever read.