Monday, June 23, 2008

I'm Not the Kind of Girl Who Gives Up Just Like That

I just got home from presenting my Secret Service Special Ops Project for Behind Curtain #2 Place of Possible Employment, Please Oh Please Be My Place of Employment Because If You Don't Ask Me to Marry You in a Civil Ceremony Complete with Signing Bonus I Just Might Have to Sell My House and Shop at Ross Dress for Less Not That I Am Being Judge-y Or Anything, No Siree, Pas Moi, otherwise known as SSSOPBC2PPEPOPBMPEBIYDAMTMYICCSBIJMHSMHSRDFLNTIABJNSPM, for short. What can I say? I like working for places with complicated names.
So I am home. I have shirked off my A-Line "please take me seriously, no, seriously" interview dress, my Tory Burch flats (good Lord I am a snob). I have taken off my wedding rings that aren't really wedding rings because Bryan and I don't wear rings but I believe they give me an air of authority situated as close as they are to the ZOEY tattoo on the inside of my wrist. So I have taken those off and am now eating pita chips and hummus wearing jeans and an old tee shirt, my hands bare, my heart beating. And I am scared. Scared that I won't get the job, and then what? There is nothing else out there. Scared that I will get the job. Because, you know, then I will have a job. Scared that. Just that. Scared. Scared seems to be my go-to emotion, like how people have a go-to karaoke song? Yeah, mine is Blondie's "The Tide is High" and I am scared. Unless, of course, someone is singing Young M.C.'s "Bust a Move" because then I am quite willing to sing back up. You want it? Baby, you got it, uh huh, yeah, yeah, yeah...

I am scared. They said they would call me by the end of the week but I am not very good at operating without a filmy veil of control. I mean, what? Am I just supposed to sit here and wait? I'm not supposed to make pacts with the Universe? Like, if I don't push down on the gas pedal but make it to the light before it turns yellow, then yes, I will get the job? Or if there is only one more commercial before Oprah comes back on then I will get the job, right? But wait, ads for Tech Schools and Dental Assistant placement programs shouldn't count. So there, I will still get the job. See? I still have a modicum of control. O Captain! My Captain! I believe what Whitman was referring to with the O there was Oprah Winfrey. Or a Magic 8 ball. Must. Maintain. Control.
Lately Zoey has become fascinated with a large black purse she absconded with from her Grandma DD's house. It is so large that when she carries it on her shoulder she has to keep her arm raised high overhead to keep it from dragging on the ground and falling off, sort of like a Heil Hitler if the Nazis had favored black leather handbags with silver hardware. Which, come to think of it, wouldn't surprise me. In the mornings Zoey likes to walk around the house with her purse filling it up for the day. She might stop in the living room and squash her plush kitten-cat inside, her pink sunglasses, a remote control if she's quick. Often she puts her whistle in there, crayons, a few barrettes and a small tube of baby lotion. Last week I even stashed a tampon in the side pocket knowing full well that they always get tattered in my purse. And as she walks around the house, one hand raised up high, filling up her purse for the day I hear her talking to herself in a small voice, okay, yeah, bye bye ballerina light, bye shoes, mmhm, yes, see ya later alligator pillow. One by one she says goodbye to the house, to her toys and to Nacho, to the hand-vac plugged in by the front door. And I see that big black handbag as Zoey's sense of control, that if maybe she takes enough of her surrounding with her then the big bad world of the day before her is just that much smaller, that much closer to home. Plus, she never has to worry about chapped lips, what with no less than seven lip balms she keeps in her purse at all times.
So this week, while I wait, I think I am just going to walk around my house filling up my purse like Zoey. Pens. Gum. The People magazine with Tim Russert on the cover. Some Dr. Scholl's moleskin in case my feet start to hurt. I am going to keep my arms high overhead so that I don't drop the bag that is much too large for the likes of me; I'm going to see what I can do to make the world smaller and closer to home. Mmhm, yeah, bye bye bills, see ya later alligator COBRA. Oprah is on in one hour and if during that episode there is a commercial for laundry detergent then I will get the job. The tide is high but I'm holding on.
Nothing speaks to freedom louder than a half-suit; photos courtesy of the Business Bib. Buy yours here. No, seriously. If nothing else just check out the product descriptions.


15 comments:

megan said...

buena suerte, Susannah.

JackeeG4glamorous said...

S,
Good luck, I'll add you to my list of people I wish things for. Meanwhile, enjoy the little time left at home with Z-cause it will be short lived I'm sure!

Misplaced Country Girl said...

First of all...I don't even know what to say about Business Bib, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have nightmares about them.

Second, you write so eloquently. This post, minus the Business Bib, was beautiful.

Kimberlee said...

your writing rocks! - and that is so what I do, although I'm not as bad as I used to - the whole, if an ad for laundry detergent comes on I'll get the job...... meanwhile I still walk around my office humming "obama obama ohhhhh yeah" courtesy of your beautiful zoey......

kristinimartini said...

yeah, just like kimberlee, i catch myself singing obama, obama, obama! everytime i see a bumpersticker/tee-shirt/yardsign. so, basically several times a day here in seattle:)
there are so many people sending good energy into the universe for you that you will get the job because it's good for you, or you won't because it'd be bad for you. i hope you get what you want and need; a job that doesn't make you dread the next day, but one that pays the bills and keeps you looking fabulous in clothes from anthro. (if your next favorite item goes on sale, then you'll get the job because ironically you won't need it to be on sale...i am a master at this!)
you are have to be one of the most interesting writers i've read in a while. the way you weave so many seemingly random elements (at least at times to me) into one cohesive narrative is so rich and entertaining while being completely accessible and relatable. thank you for sharing!

Two Wishes said...

So, I discovered your blog a couple of weeks ago and don't think I've de-lurked yet. Mostly because your blog's so brilliant that commenting feels like approaching the Cool Kids Table at junior high lunch.

But anyway, just wanted to suck it up and say that if I were an employer, I'd give you a job for sure! (Along with a local blogger who's in your same boat, and a certain front desk clerk from the Hotel Monaco in Alexandria, VA, whom I'd steal away from her current post. And you'd all enjoy each others' cool-girl company, as well as making my company fabulous through your many talents. If only I had a company....)

TwoWishes said...

P.S. Obama lives on our block! At the corner, across from the park where our Zoe (canine) plays. So I'll be sure to study up on your daughter's song, in case we ever spot him. (Though not many chances for spotting -- one day home a month is a miracle, if our Secret Service sightings are any indication.)

kristinimartini said...

wait a minute!!! where do you find this shit? buisness bib is actually a product??? i thought it was an artsy art jab at the corporate world. i actually looked at the pictures and thought "damn, that's good photoshop! the lighting is so consistent! the splice so seamless!"
i feel dumb--maybe not as much as the people who actually buy this though!

Jules said...

The business big is proof there is a market for anything. Where do you find these things?

Good luck!

Be the change..... said...

I thought I was the only one who made those pacts with the universe (if there is a commercial for the technical institute then I should quit my job -if not I should keep it). That business bib is incredibly disturbing and nearly got me fired as everyone thought I was looking at porn! LOL

amber said...

I'm glad to know that you, too, make these funny "deals" with yourself. I'll catch myself thinking "...now if the light turns yellow this very second I will...(fill in blank here).

NucMEd is Hot said...

You know when you call out the Oprah sometimes things happen. Ask Misplaced Country Girl.

erkamu said...

It'll happen, I know it...

Work is for suckers anyway!

Jessie said...

I had no idea you had a tat!

Kelli said...

Oh my goodness. I thought I was the only weirdo who did stuff like that. Make deals with the universe, I mean...not wear half suits. Now that I've discovered your blog is back up, I haven't read more recent posts, but I'll be keeping my fingers crossed that you got the job. And if you didn't, I'll be racing yellow lights hoping the perfect thing comes your way.