That's me on the left.
There's a reason why I married my high school sweetheart. I mean besides being completely in love with him and all. No, I also married my high school sweetheart because I sucked at dating. I thought nothing of calling whenever I felt like it, no 3 day rules for me. I said I love you too soon and cried big buckets of snot when we went to see the movie "Ghost." I made schmaltzy mixed tapes featuring Phil Collins; I bought him silk boxer shorts from Victoria's Secret for god's sake. So I really had no choice in the matter. Once Bryan said he loved me back it was a done deal. I am a social retard. When faced with small talk I either completely go blank or blurb out inappropriate comments, stories about playing doctor with David Burger when I was 5, what that soft little penis looked like exposed in my room next to my pile of stuffed animals and all of their hard plastic eyes. See? I'm a social mess. So you will understand that I am more than a little nervous today, going to my first job interview since being laid off. I don't know why but I want this job without even knowing any specifics on what it actually entails. I want to call this job and hang up when it answers, praying that it doesn't *69 me back. I want to make it a mixed tape with songs like "I'll Stop the World and Melt with You." I want to slip my hand into the back pocket of this job's jeans and feel its ass as it walks away from me. The interview is at 1pm. I have already done a drive by to see where it lives and let me just say that I like that, too. Wish me luck because maybe, just maybe, this job totally wants to make out with me, too.