On the way home from work today I passed an intersection filled with people holding Obama in '08 signs. They were hooting and hollering, Honk For Obama! All around me people were honking and I started crying. They were just so hopeful and enthusiastic, those people; something about their voices and homemade signs seemed so beautiful and sad. That should tell you right there what kind of day I had. Just for shits and giggles here's a rundown of the past 24 hours:
- Last night, around 5pm: Zoey and I meet my two friends and their kids for an early dinner but Zoey is quiet, too quiet. One friend points to her toddler's tee-shirt which reads Big Brother. She is grinning. I manage a smile and congratulations but Zoey is clingy and squirmy, her eyes watery and I cannot concentrate. I decide to leave early because clearly Zoey is not feeling well. As soon as I get in my car I remember that I missed my other friend's birthday, that I have forgotten to say anything, forgotten to give her the card in my purse. I feel like an asshole.
- 7pm: Zoey is crying, angry, confused. She flinches when I touch her ear and I decide she must have an ear infection. I sleep on the floor in her room which really means I put some blankets down for me to trip over while I hold her and rub her back all night long. Neither of us sleep and now I have a crick in my neck and can't look left.
- 6am: I take the morning off (Oh! What a fabulous mother I am! I take the morning off!) and bring Zoey to the doctor and he confirms the ear infection and prescribes antibiotics. I take Zoey to the pharmacy all the while worried that in giving her amoxicillan I am exposing her to a Super Virus, that her skin will fall off and die. At the pharmacy she sits on a pint of blueberries and screams. I now have blueberries all over me. And snot. Zoey is a barnacle and will not let go of me.
- Noon: In the driveway of her daycare I dose Zoey with Motrin and bolt to work to prepare for a presentation.
- Noon plus 5 minutes: As soon as I get to work I get a phone call from Zoey's daycare saying she cannot be there with an ear infection. The subtext is that CPS should intervene. Miraculously Bryan's mom calls seconds later and is free to pick her up and take care of her.
- Right after that: I get an email from my friend that her dog is lost. She loves this dog more than anyone has loved a dog before and already she is going through something so terrible, so tough. I wish I could write about it but really it's her story to tell (or not). She doesn't know how she can deal without her dog and there is nothing I can do. I feel lost.
- A few nebulous hours that I will never get back: I create boards for a stupid ass presentation on Thursday that no doubt will get cancelled at the last minute because some Vice-President's child will get sick and they will be empowered to stay home with their child.
- 4pm: I hear that Heath Ledger has died and for some reason this makes me feel such despair. I think of little Matilda. Of Michelle Williams. I think of Heath Ledger's mom. AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF HEATH LEDGER STILL HAS A MOTHER.
- 5pm: I drive to pick up Zoey and that's when I see the aforementioned Honk for Obama people. I cry.
- 6pm: I give Zoey a bath and scoop my hand through the water to pick up something strange. It is poop. Zoey has pooped in the bath and I am holding it in my hand. I slop it into the toilet and try to grab Zoey out of the fecal soup. But anyone who has ever tried to force a slippery toddler out of a bathtub knows this is next to impossible and Zoey is insistent that she did not poop.
All in all a pitiful day. Oh, I KNOW it could have been so much worse. That I am lucky. But sometimes I feel like I am just scrapping by in mediocrity, that I can't ever do anything well. I am a half-assed friend, a half-assed mother, a half-assed voter, a half-assed worker, a half-assed blogger because really this post pretty much sucks. With so many asses all halved, is it any wonder I feel like such a shit?